ho ho ho

As I sat down to write, all I could hear in the house was a faint "Ho Ho Ho" from my niece upstairs. I think she is reading something. She's so sweet.

Today I tried my hand at domestic living and made some spicy chocolate covered pretzels. It wasn't really by choice but more of a demand from my sister. They turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. My mom was delighted to share the kitchen with two of her daughters (both of which are/were domestically challenged). It's hard to believe that Christmas is tomorrow. This whole month has been a blur. Work was crazy busy, kids were leaving and new kids were coming. I spoke at the graduation of two of my clients and it was all I could do from bursting in to tears. I'm excited for them to move on to real life but so scared at the same time. I learn something from each kid I work with, and some goodbyes are harder than others. This one was the toughest yet.

So, it is nice to settle in with the comforts of home and be surrounded by people that I love. My nieces and nephews are growing up so fast and are a delight to be around. There is much laughter, singing and even a little dancing. There isn't any fresh snow to greet us before Christmas but otherwise it feels perfect. Soon Santa will descend on the house while we are all fast asleep and in the morning the excitement and awe of children will fill the house.

Merry Christmas sweet readers. I hope you all feel the warm fuzzies that this season is known to bring. May 2008 fill your life with memories, even if they aren't always the perfect ones. There is so much to learn and receive from life. I wouldn't change a thing (okay, maybe a few things).

Best wishes to you all.

names

My readers all know that I have an unusual name. Granted my parents didn't call me Apple, Camera, Puma, Fifi or Banjo (actual names of celebrity children) but it's still a little different.

I wonder if my name would be different had I been born in Rome. Apparently some parents were forced to change the name of their child, Friday, because it might hinder him from having serene interpersonal relationships. Compared to a lot of names out there, Friday seems fairly benign. Apparently the powers that be in Rome didn't think so. Click here to read the full story. I do think some names have gotten way out of control but I think government interference is even MORE out of control.

thank goodness for spell check

(Or, Why don't people use it?)

So, I am a member of the fast growing "Facebook." At first I was leery but then I began to appreciate all the contact I have with long lost friends. It's also a good way to beat others in scrabble or get beaten. I really enjoy seeing what people are up to these days. Anyway, there is a handy little section that is the "News Feed." Here you get information on the coming and goings of friends and I noticed one of my friends joined a group called:

"If Hillery Clinton becomes President I am moving to Cananda!"

I went to the group believing it was a joke. It had to be if Hillary and Canada were both spelled wrong. Upon further examination it seemed like a legitimate group. Today there was a posting about Glenn Beck being the best guy in televesion [sic]. By the way, I have always wanted to use sic in a sentence. I'm glad I got my chance.

I'm not trying to be rude. I admit to using poor grammar and misusing punctuation (I am sure this post is full of them). I have even had the occasional misspell. However, I do think if you are going to create a group opposing something or trying to make a statement, you might want to spell it correctly. Otherwise how are you going to be taken seriously?

makes no difference where i go

A local news anchor retired the other day and I was shocked to discover that my beloved hometown song was not so original.

Exhibit A:


I can still sing this word for word. So, imagine my surprise, and dismay, when I realized it was a nation-wide (and Canada-wide) campaign for various CBS locales. Until this musical montage was played on Michelle King's last broadcast I was in the dark.

Exhibit B:


It's the same singer and even the vibrato-ey part at the end is the same, except the word. I feel like my whole childhood was a sham.

And this version is for my sister (scroll down to the Utah link). Apparently grown women still swoon for Donny.

***UPDATE: I just read this article on Wiki. Wisconsin, you win. *Sigh

i want this

Long ago I emailed one of my music gurus regarding a song I desperately wanted. Sadly, he informed that Cat Powers cover of a Cat Stevens song was only recorded for the specific commercial I saw it on. Now, I'm not a huge diamond fan but this De Beers commercial gets me every time... because of the song. Every couple of months I Google it again in hopes that the full song has been recorded. I am always disappointed. My one Christmas wish would be a full length version of this song. Oh how I wish I had the money to get her to do a whole cover and release it for my listening consumption.

What song from a commercial do you love? Enjoy mine if you don't have one.

the single life

(This is filed under TMI-too much information. I don't know why I am opening myself up like this but I am)

Life has been busy but good. For the first time in years I feel like I am in a good place. Last year was one of the darkest years of my life and it had absolutely nothing to do with my dating life. I know a lot of my past experiences had piled up but I wasn't blue because there was no man in my life. All that was obvious to me was that this dark cloud seemed to follow me everywhere. I was a walking, talking human Eeyore. Now the sun has come out, the clouds have departed and I can breathe again.

This brings me back to the title. I am single. I am loving being single. I spent too many years in my twenties feeling the pangs of being dateless. I analyzed what could possibly be holding me back. Was I pretty enough? Did I talk too much? Was I too faithless so my prayers weren't listened to? All of this eroded my self-esteem and I started to actually believe all the bullshit I told myself. Today I can look at myself honestly and fairly. I can be critical, talk too much and question every last thing, but I'm rather funny and a good listener. I can look in the mirror and truly believe that "I look cute today." I really am starting to like myself. The more I like myself, the less desire I have to be married or have children. This is where my current dilemma has hit. I grew up in a religion that focuses on family. The family is central and what we should all be striving for. I believe in family. I love my own family. They are the world to me. I know the family unit is so important in our society... and yet, I don't feel the pang for it like I once did. I go to church and people talk of their desire to start their own family. Friends tell me "I wish you could find the right guy." Some friends even talk to me about their own discouragement that marriage hasn't happened yet. I hear my lonely friends and I empathize with their plight, but sigh with relief that it's not me. Then my already over-analyzing brain goes in to overdrive. Am I fooling myself? Is this a way to protect myself from feeling the pangs of loneliness?

The sting hits sometimes, like the night I listened to Regina Spektor sing "Samson." I thought of how lovely it would be to hold hands with a fine fellow who loves me, listening to beautiful music. But the thought left as quickly as it came. I am open to this marriage idea. I would never turn away a handsome, funny, kind and loving man. I also know I will be okay if I don't. I have started dreaming again. I love my dreams.



But I don't know how they fit with the the notion of family... my own family. I don't want reassurances that it will all work out and I'm not soliciting comments for "you go girl, be happy being single." I'm trying to verbalize all these thoughts that go through my head. I'm trying to balance religious beliefs with current feelings. Can I truly be happy being single? Am I being selfish? Am I protecting myself?

I don't know. Time will tell. I do know that I never want to let go of how I feel now. I love that my smiles are genuine again. Laughing has never felt so good. I love myself, now that's something to brag about.

CAN

I've decided not to write about burning my forehead with my flat iron or crotching myself in spin class yesterday but rather to leave you with something inspirational. I've been trying to figure out how to download this video to my computer so I can use it in group therapy today. It doesn't matter how much I watch this video, I always cry. It is a reminder of how fortunate I am, and the goodness in others.


To read more on the Hoyts go here. Happy Thursday everyone. Mine will be... I have two adorable nieces in town and I'm healthy and happy.

the master of tact

On Monday's there is a very attractive swim coach in the lane beside me. I have admired him from afar but did not have the courage to talk to him. My friend talked to him (she's married) this past week and we discovered he worked at another treatment centre. We were unsure if he was married or not, and truthfully, I didn't really want to know! This past Monday, Kris and I were talking in the locker room, and jokingly I said "He was checking me out and even gave me a smile." Right as I was saying this, the female coach that was assisting him walked by us. I was completely mortified. In doing some research I found out he was married. So there I am, exaggerating the truth about a hot married man, making a complete fool of myself and he might actually find out what I said. Anytime I think of this story I want to find a large rock to hide under.

My three choices are to a) never go back to that pool again, b) avoid any and all eye contact and pretend I never said anything like that and hope the girl didn't tell him I said anything like that, or c) start a friendly conversation and act normal.

I'm leaning toward a or b. I can't count how many times I have done something similarly stupid. I don't think I will ever learn my lesson.

mass produced mistake

Creamies are a great way to finish off your meal. My favourite is chocolate, big surprise there. When I finished one last night I read the little inspirational quote they left me on the stick. I read it again and laughed and laughed.

I wonder how that gets by so many people. Have you ever been amused by a mass produced (or mini produced) mistake?

elevator etiquette and other such things

Prior to the 3rd of October I was a Vegas virgin. My first trip to Sin City was quite entertaining and a post will be done shortly. I am still waiting on a few pictures from my friends. Our hotel, the MGM Grand, was huge. Many minutes were spent waiting for elevators and watching other people also waiting for elevators. And no big surprise, a great many needed elevator training.

I wanted to give a beat down to those folks that would push past the line of people waiting for an elevator, quickly jump in to the first one to open, making the rest of us squeeze in or wait for another one. A line is a line is a line. Get in the back!

What annoyed me even more was when people would squeeze on to the elevator before the rest of us got off. I sometimes get antsy if I've been waiting awhile and the elevator is crammed full but haven't ever had one take off before I can get on. I assume that others have also had my experience, so having to shimmy around another person is beyond irritating.

Then there were the people that seemed as though they had never rode on an elevator. If the door opened, the assumed it was going the direction they were wanting to go to. If they spent one or two seconds looking around they would notice that the light identifies the direction it is heading. Oh how I wished I had counted the number of people that would start to get on the elevator only to turn back when we told them we were going up.

Apparently taking an elevator isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3.

dating game

So, when you are older and single, people want to help out by setting you up. I'm usually open to it because you never know, prince charming might just be your friend's second cousin once removed. The most recent request I received was from my sister-in-law's mother. The bio sounded positive... older, attractive, similar values, son of a prominent member in the community. So I gave my mom the go-ahead to send off my email.

I was sharing this information to my girlfriends yesterday and one said "Wait, I think one of the sons got in trouble with the law." I went home and used my google sleuthing skills only to find out that this young man had two disturbing arrests. I'm not in the business of outing other people so I'm not giving any further information but let's just say you wouldn't want to date someone with this history. I can forgive a DUI but there are some things I'm not messing with. I call my mom freaking out (she might have thought she was talking to a sailor with all the colourful words I was using). My mom had already sent my email to the setter-upper so she called her and luckily my email hadn't yet been sent to this guy. She was quite shocked at the news and completely understood my apprehension at this person having my email. After I calmed down I laughed a little. That could become a party story, you know "So my sister-in-law's mom tried to set me up with a (insert legal history). Guess things must really be desperate for me." {Chuckles all around}

Then several hours later I started to feel a little queasy again. How do we really know the people we are dating? If he had been an average Jo, a google search would have come up empty. People could have skeletons in their closets and I could be none the wiser. I guess life is fraught with risks, I'm just glad I knew about this one ahead of time. And for the record, I need a few more months before someone wants to set me up. This one left a bad taste in my mouth.

things to do in september

Just in case your September was dull, I'll give you some ideas for next year. My September was pretty fabulous.

Start your September with a mommy/daughter road trip. You can go anywhere, but my mom and I chose Moab. She was a super trooper on our several hikes in Arches National Park.





Pretty isn't it?

Turn 30, or at least pretend you just turned 30. I'm now discovering how fantastic it is. Your friends might be sneaky and decorate your office floor to ceiling. It was amazing and embarrassing.


Be sure to show appreciation to those that sent flowers. Top of a big birthday with pedicures and dinner with your closest friends (and phone calls with those far away).

Once you are feeling the vibe that 30 brings, socialize and flirt like crazy. It will score you two dates in one day (for you married folk, don't accept unless it is from your spouse). What can I say? I'm hot!

Book a flight to Boston and Vegas in October. This gives you something to look forward to once September is over.

Attend an Arcade Fire concert. The set will amaze you, as will their energy. Check out Dainon's blog for a more thorough review. Absolutely fantastic.

Round out your month with a trip to Vernal. You might just get an invite to participate in a cattle drive. The real cowboys will laugh at your city slicker-ness but it will still be worth it. I'm sure I would laugh at someone trying to get their horse to stop galloping or holding on for dear life as the beast jumps a ditch. However, if you get a chance to do something as cool as this, bring your camera. You will regret not being able to share the images that are in your head. It truly was a beautiful site to see... cows, mountains, horses, sun setting.

September really has proved to me (like Lisa says) that 30 really is the new 20, except you're smarter and richer. I'm pretty stoked about the next 10 years.

i'm sorry

I'm sorry for neglecting you blog. I will come back to you, I promise. There are still more posts to be had. You are not forgotten.

money, money, money

Have you ever gone in to a store to pick up a "few" items only to leave with a bill over $150? People say you shouldn't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. I think you should also avoid shopping at a multi-purpose store when you are bored and want to spend money. At least I got a tea kettle among a "few" other items.

just singing in the...

I happened to shower beside Christine (not this Christine but this one) at the gym. Perhaps she was singing because she had a date with Raoul or maybe she was just having a happy morning. Kudos to her for sharing her talent so openly with everyone... that is until I had the urge to whistle "Memories" from Cats. After suppressing that urge, I suddenly had every single Andrew Lloyd Webber* song that I knew floating around my head.

Damn you pseudo-Christine and damn you Mr. Webber for ruining my Tuesday morning.

*Warning: Disturbing Image that IS work safe.

the week of the ma'am

On Friday I was shopping at Dani's favourite store that she rarely gets to visit (due to her location). As I was perusing the aisles a friendly guy dressed in a red shirt and khaki's asked "Do you need any assistance ma'am?" I responded "No, thank you." Not more than five minutes later another worker asked me again "Can I help you with anything ma'am?" Either Target is using a new customer service strategy or I must have looked old* and confused. I'm hoping it's the latter as I prefer to shop in peace.

*Three ma'ams in one week is starting to qualify me for the older woman status.

excuse me ma'am

There are only a few times I don't mind being called ma'am. One of those exceptions occurred yesterday as I was leaving a grocery store. The nice clerk ran after me yelling "Ma'am, excuse me, ma'am, you forgot one of your bags." Sometimes my memory works as well as I feel when I'm called ma'am.

shameless self promotion

Yesterday I completed a half-marathon. I know I have blogged about the triathlons I have done this year but this race meant so much more to me. As a teenager I struggled with asthma that often interfered with any sort of sport. Today it can be induced by exercise but is much more manageable. On top of that, I was never much for working out. I was not athletic enough to make it on any sports teams nor did I have any desire to engage in individual events. Last year I started to get serious about exercising. Running was still my weak area and I would struggle to get a mile in before walking. I was so focused on the triathlons this year that I didn't train as much as I should have for this race. Running was also low on my "likes" that it was easy to skip my run days when I was tired. As race day approached, I was terrified. I had only gotten up to nine miles and that was interspersed with a lot of walking. It seemed impossible that I would be able to push out 13.1 miles, especially with my knee giving me trouble. Friday night I resigned myself to the possibility of walking a lot during the race. When I woke up Saturday I kept telling myself to just do my best.

The course was beautiful. It wound down a canyon full of gorgeous trees. As I looked at the scenery and listened to my music, I started to just relax and enjoy it. I kept running and running, longer than I had ever before. At mile 10, I gave myself permission to walk for a few minutes. The last three miles were so hard. The course moved in to the town and out of the canyon. I could feel pain in various parts of my body and my knee but I pushed myself to keep running. Monica ran me in the last half mile when all I wanted to do was quit. I was so grateful for her pep talk and keeping me focused (although in the moment I didn't appreciate it quite as much). As I crossed the finish line, I started to cry. Perhaps it was exhaustion but I had also accomplished something that I didn't ever think possible. I used to be a lazy asthmatic that detested running and here I was completing my first half-marathon. All the downhills helped me to finish in a much faster time than I expected. I proved to myself that I really can do my "impossibles." This summer I have seen my progress and it feels pretty darn good. How lucky I am to have friends that encouraged me and pushed me to do all these races! Now I wish I knew someone that could rub my extremely sore thighs and calves. Yesterday I was on cloud nine and today I just want to find a really good massage therapist.

the next michelangelo

My niece is a budding artist. Like Michelangelo, any surface can be her canvas.


(click to enlarge)

However, I don't think her parents commissioned this piece of art for their bathroom.

seriously?

Reality shows are my Achilles' heel. Trashy ones? Yup, those too. I'm currently stressing over Big Brother. So, I will usually give any show a one episode chance. Bret Michael's Rock of Love has earned two viewings. It's so bad I can't change the channel. Yet, I stumbled on another VH1 show that started a wave of nausea. The Pick Up Artist focuses on helping nerdy men develop their skills with women.

However, these are the "stars" of the show
The guy in the middle goes by the name of "Mystery." It's no mystery to me that I would vomit in my mouth if he tried to pick me up. On what planet is he the Master of Pick Up?

I could only last 15 minutes on this one but the portion I viewed was the men learning stock type lines as openers to meeting women. When I heard this ONE, I busted up laughing. See, the first night I met Ange (read The Good Papo on the right) we went to a house party. We were sitting around chatting when a guy interrupted with that opener. (I even blogged about it in 2005). He failed miserably. It was awkward and annoying... and now I KNOW it was just a phony way to get us talking, not even a real story. Looks like Mystery needs to teach these men something more useful. And someone needs to teach Mystery some style.

my welcome back

After spending nine days in Canada, my food supply was pretty low. Succumbing to the dreaded grocery shopping, I chatted away to a friend on the phone. I stopped in the aisle to look at razors (as I left mine behind). An older woman got close to me so I moved, thinking I was in her way. She tapped her eyeglasses then tapped me. I finally realized that her proximity was an attempt to talk to me. I asked my friend to hold a moment and the woman said "Sorry to interrupt but I love your glasses. Where did you get them?"

Yes, Utah, this fashion maven is back in town...

master charge

I knew we were in for a treat when our motel had a "Master Charge" sign hanging below it, rather than the more commonly known "MasterCard." I'm not sure that anything, including that sign, had changed since 1979.

Let me introduce you to all the amazing features of the Parish Motel in Burley, Idaho.

You need to call someone? Sorry this phone will only get you to the front desk.

Towels come with complimentary holes and stains. See Kris's fingers poking through? Also note the pretty decor.


However, for 50 bucks a night (and nothing else available), it was worth it. We were minutes away from the start of our race. Ah spandex... now that's why everyone wants to do a triathlon, right?


In the end I didn't need knee pads but would have liked some miracle surge of energy halfway through my run. It didn't come. The last three miles of that run were painful.

phew!

When reading the official rules and regulations for my upcoming race, I was relieved to read this: No form of locomotion other than running, walking or crawling is allowed.

Anyone have knee pads?

payback

Today I ran over a snake... on my bike. I was riding down the canyon and there were people on my left so I couldn't swerve. It was just a little garter snake and I clipped it below its head. I actually felt bad for the ugly thing. It was just trying to sun itself on a lazy Saturday morning and was not likely the same snake that caused my 2004 spectacular rollerbladding crash. That accident left me with scars on my knees and elbows and road rash that lasted weeks. I tried to save that snake by swerving and ended up in a bloody heap next to the path. Thankfully I did not repeat my mistake today. Sorry snake, your death was caused by your 8th cousin once removed. That's what they call "almost payback."

"how to" manual

{This is how to make a horrible situation even more horrible}

Last year I began swimming once a week for workouts and triathlon training. After many frustrating moments in the change room, I settled for the most flattering of the unflattering swimsuits. Sport suits are not made to look good, they are made for utility. The black TYR suit had been working quite well until I noticed this Saturday that it has become sheer in some sections. This was likely due to my breaking one (or both) of the two cardinal rules in swimwear: washing it in the washer or leaving it out in the sun. In any event, I had to replace it as I wasn't about to show more of myself than was already necessary.

I went to a local sport store that sells a variety of equipment and apparel. I was frustrated at the thought of trying on suits yet again. It is probably my least favourite activity, next to shoe shopping (I have exceptionally narrow feet, so I usually leave stores angry or close to tears). The change rooms in this particular store are located in the very centre. The doors are always locked and it usually takes a solid five minutes to locate someone to unlock it for you. I had tried on numerous suits and was torn between two. The mirror in my change room was smudged and I wanted to get a better look. My cell phone rang and it was a friend requesting a favour. I continued talking to her as I exited the room to look in the mirror in the main area. Somewhere between holding the door open and talking to my friend, I lost control and the door slammed shut. There I was... in the middle of a sports store, in an awful one piece swimsuit, with no salesperson in site. The door went from floor to ceiling so there was no way I could crawl under. I poked my head out to the left and saw no one. I poked my head out to the right and saw no one. I attempted to act confident but was shrinking inside. I took several steps around the store and finally saw two male workers talking to each other. I politely asked one of them to open the door that I had locked myself out of. I re-entered my change room feeling completely mortified.

So if you don't think that swimsuit shopping is that bad, try locking yourself out of your change room. It will make it one of your worst shopping expeditions ever.

(sort of) obscene public acts

Lately my blogging has consisted of lazy list-making but it's so damn hot that I can't think straight. I've lost most of my will to live, lying listless on my bed, hoping food will just appear. It never does nor does some angel to wipe the sweat off my brow. When I do venture out in to the fiery furnace, I see all sorts of things that horrify and disgust me. So, in my starving, over-heated state, I present yet another list.

*One that never fails to make me shudder is barefoot in bathrooms. Several fearless fools appear each week in the gym locker room. The floor has got to be teaming with bacteria. Is it so hard to bring cheap flip flops to shower in? Even at the airport screening area, I bring socks (if I'm wearing sandals) because the thought of my skin touching the ground makes me want to vomit.

*Ladies, really, look in the mirror and take a long, honest look at the thong riding up over your jeans. It's grotesque. Perhaps there are a number of men who find it "hot" but spare the rest of us.

*Short shorts that show too much leg, short shirts that show too much jelly belly, low cut shirts that show too much boobage. Do some people lack mirrors or common sense? C'mon, like 2% of the population actually have the bodies to pull off exorbitant displays of flesh.

*Scratching. Men are the typical culprits in this department, although I have seen the occasional woman. Sure, down low may be itchy but show some discretion. It makes me uncomfortable so don't do it three feet away while facing me or during therapy when you're sitting on my couch.

Yes, I could write more but now that the air conditioner is kicking in, I suddenly feel happy.

happy belated america day

I'm beginning to join the melting pot of America by giving you "Things to do on the fourth of July"

1. Run for freedom. It only requires a 5 or 10k commitment. I chose to be more patriotic and run the 10k.


2. Do some fire blowing. The only cost is a mouthful of powdered sugar (a.k.a icing sugar).


3. Spend as much time as possible with a friend that is moving.

4. Watch "Rocket Chick" bike up and down the street with loads of fireworks strapped to her head and back.


5. Watch kids light fireworks, ride their bikes around them and wonder how in the world they don't catch on fire.

you know it's hot when...

Your deodorant melts.

I got ready at the gym today, put my personal effects in my car and went to work. When I came home, I unpacked and thought I would "freshen up." Unfortunately my deodorant had turned in to liquid. Time to hit the supermarket.

o canada...

I have spent the last four of five years in the USA on Canada Day. Today's "Canadian holiday" was particularly amusing to me, as I sat in a Utah chapel singing all the patriotic American hymns in preparation for the 4th of July. I have chosen to live away from my homeland and I have no current regrets. That being said, I miss my country. I love my wonderful Canada.

A few things that make me happy about home:


Beautiful Banff and seeing the Rockies outside my window.


I love the Calgary Flames. I love hockey. I love that people back home love hockey.


Friends, and especially this particular travelling companion.


It always gives me warm fuzzies to see the majority of my family. The kids say the most hilarious things.

At home I can say washroom without anyone cocking their head and giving me a confused look. It is completely normal to say that someone "phoned" or to share your "marks" on your exam. I could bust up my arm, go the hospital and not have any concern if my insurance will cover it fully.


O Canada, my home and native land...

In my heart you'll never go bland.

it's raw

Last week my gals and I planned a celebration dinner. I had just completed a brutal exam (cross your fingers I passed) and Jo had everything for her move to Arizona fall in to place. The food of choice was "all you can eat" sushi. We could each start with three dishes before ordering more, so that is exactly what we did. What we neglected to consider was how much food that actually was! Wanting to avoid the 75 cent charge per leftover piece we literally packed it back. After that much sushi, the eel tasted particularly fishy. I plugged my nose in hopes to choke it back.

It was only minimally effective but it was my last piece.

The lesson we learned that day was: bring boys or start slow and keep ordering if you're not full. This picture showed only a portion of the plates we cleaned off. I'm surprised I didn't vomit.


Addendum: Jo and I thought it would be fun to try something out of our usual repertoire so we ordered two pieces of Octopus. If you want to feel as though you were at the table with us, check out Jo's new blog, Wind in the Hair. Click on her link and see us eat it.

when in venice

Rent a beach cruiser. It's probably the most fun I've had in months.


And if you have big strong muscles like Kris, climb a rope.


When was the last time you felt like a kid?

share the love

My love affair with Snopes is still in that new and exciting phase but I have a feeling this will be one relationship that will last. Snopes has yet to let me down, is endlessly entertaining and always tells me the truth. Take for instance a recent email that I thought was questionable. It stated that I could develop breast cancer from drinking water in a plastic bottle that's been left in the car. I consulted my new boyfriend, and sure enough, he told me it was FALSE. The only thing likely to happen is regret from taking a swig of hot water at the end of my workday... thankfully my breasts stay safe.

Several weeks back I received an email from a co-worker chock-full of great advice for teenagers written by the esteemed Bill Gates. Again, as I read it my first response was "Bull, Billy didn't write this." And you know what? He DIDN'T. My new beau confirmed this yet again.

There was also an interesting email that my pop consulted my man on before forwarding it on. I'm not a Bush fan, but I like hypocrites even less. I know Gore has justified the electricity usage, but still.

So, if some of you also share my boyfriend (we have an open relationship), please share some of your favourite moments with him?

when stress gets the better of you

As some of my readers know I have been studying for a major exam for my professional license. As usual, I procrastinated so have been cramming like crazy the last few weeks. Tomorrow I'll drive to Salt Lake to take the exam. I thought I had my stress in check until this morning. I was just nearing the corner to work when I realized that something was remiss. If I had not noticed at that moment, I would have walked in to an all boys campus without my bra on. One would think this might be some sort of dream but it was my reality. I had somehow managed to get all dressed, check myself in the mirror before departing, and drive the 15 minutes to work before it even dawned on me that my underthings weren't in order! I called my boss, told him I'd be late to the meeting, drove home and fixed my mistake. My 15 minute commute took me 45 minutes. So, tomorrow when you get dressed for your day, have a good chuckle on my behalf.

circa 1988

This picture is for my sister. She loves my jaunty smile and pose. I think she's just jealous she wasn't part of the '88 Olympic opening ceremonies. I can't decide which I like more, the silver high tops or the blue beret.



*There may be a brief hiatus on posting this week due to more important endeavours.

dad

Dearest Daddy,

Thank you for taking me to numerous Flames games, complete with nachos and malts at intermissions. My love and knowledge of the game is directly linked to you, even if I was a fair weather fan this year. I distinctly remember the moment when I grasped your explanation of an "offside." I felt so grownup giving high fives to the crew that sat around us. After the game we would hustle to the car and you would turn on the post-game wrap up on QR-77. I never really listened to what they were saying. I was just excited to swerve in and out of traffic knowing that I was up really late for a school night!

Thank you for being my being my pep-talker. Way back in grade four you told me that "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." Those pep talks continued on to my master's and even now. You sometimes had interesting ways to "encourage" but when the going got really tough, your emails really meant a lot. Other times you would just take time to proof read a paper or an application. I am still amazed at your incredible literary skills.

Thank you most of all for believing in me. It has meant more to me than you probably know. Happy birthday you handsome devil.


Love,

Your daughter.

fever...

The last time I was in a race was 1999 and it was a 5K. Saturday I completed my first triathlon and I think I'm hooked. It was nice to start out with a Sprint distance (scroll down article to see the chart), as I will be doing an Olympic in July.

I loved this photo from the race. I'm not in it and it doesn't quite capture how often you get kicked or hit but it is still cool.


After it was all said and done, I understood why people like to race. I was exhilarated, proud and glad I didn't come in last (which was my biggest fear). While I wasn't in the top of my pack, I ended up finishing not too shabbily... just over an hour and a half. It made all my monotonous workouts worthwhile. Racing gives you something to work toward, helps set new goals and work at beating past times/place. The downside to triathlons are the unflattering wetsuit and spandex. Mmmm boy.

What are you hooked on? I bet you're all hooked on this image...


or this one... (I was determined to beat that guy to the finish, which I did)

cars, cars, cars

There have been many vehicles that have caused an aversive reaction within me. Past offenses have been Hummers, Aztecs, Ponys and multiple sports cars (such as Ferraris and Corvettes). However, the recent offenders are as follows:

1. The Smart Car: Who cares if it is environmentally friendly and gets good gas mileage. It's damn ugly and looks like a death trap.


2. Scion xb: I saw these all over California. I thought they were "lowered" until I realized they were made that way. Ugh.


3. PT Cruiser: Nothing needs to be said about this car, except maybe "UGGGLY."


4. Dodge Magnum: This car reminds me of a souped up hearse.

Honorable mention: the Dodge Caliber

Dani, looks like you win. The prize will be another Aisy mixed CD. I agree that most all Dodge vehicles are on the list of "damn, that's ugly."

So, here is my short list. What's yours?

leavin'

I'm headed out of town shortly to the hot spot of Vernal. No disgusting pictures this weekend as calving season is over. My first pop quiz had a lukewarm response, so I'm trying it again. This one has to do with my personal disdain for certain cars. Dani should get at least one correct but I think I may be up to 5. This time I really will award a prize for the person that gets the most correct. I will have a post on Tuesday or Wednesday showcasing the ugliest cars currently on the market.*

*I apologize in advance to any readers who may like or own any of my most hated cars. One can overcome bad taste!

take thought

Today my carelessness almost led to a catastrophe. When I was younger I could shout to my mom to bring me some more toilet paper when I forgot to check the roll before doing my business. She heard innumerable panicked screams of "Hey Mom, I need some toilet paper" from all her children.

As an independent, single adult I have no such person to help me out when I'm in such a bind. So, I typically prepare for emergencies by keeping an extra role in my washroom. Unfortunately paper products have not been on my mind as of late, thus leaving me unprepared. Thankfully I had a few squares to spare... and after the hand washing, quickly resupplied the area with pillowy soft t.p.

know your audience

I confess that I have occasionally sent forwards. Several months back I sent a forward to a select group of friends that may have been interested in the cause I am about to rant on. You will note that I said select. I actually felt uncomfortable doing so but I was doing a favour for man that deserved none.

Yesterday I received not one, but two mass emails asking me to donate money to a presidential candidate. My irritation about the forward was two-fold. Firstly, the one person only had my email through his church duties. I rarely speak to him and he would have no idea as to my political inclination. I have no clue who the other person was. I could only gather that we both receive music emails from a mutual friend. These two idiots abused my email account without really knowing me. Now for the second point, that solidifies the above one, I AM NOT AN AMERICAN. Even if I felt this presidential hopeful was the best thing since sliced bread, I am not legally allowed to donate to his campaign.

I have half a mind to send a searing email to both of them.

the answer is...

Urbane: Notably polite or polished in manner. I wish my Dad, err anonymous, was more urbane. It could have avoided several embarrassing childhood moments when he didn't hold his tongue.

Congratulations Andrew on the first correct response.

For a Friday smile:

A few weeks back in group therapy, my co-therapist had the boys do an exercise. They were asked to line their page from A to Z and write a word or phrase that showcased one of their strengths. They were working quietly when one teen put up his hand and asked "what letter does intelligent start with?"

There was silence, then some stifled laughter followed by fits of giggles. I could not refrain from laughing and hid my face behind my paper. My co-therapist, also smiling, said "anyone laughing who wrote 'kind' as a trait should probably erase it." Yup, scratch that off my list.

pop quiz

Yesterday I was surprised by the definition of "urbane." I was talking to a fellow co-worker about one of my clients, stating he was the "bane of my existence." This co-worker is a wordsmith, interesting as he is a Smith. Anyway, he asked if I could use bane in a sentence without using the word existence. As the discussion proceeded I started playing with the word urbane. My mind often wanders to non-related tangents and the homonym-like quality of urbane and bane made it a natural transition. We then discussed what we thought urbane meant. I had some vague notions but did not know the true definition. Wordsmith and I learned something new by looking it up. I was completely misguided in what I thought urbane meant, as was he.

Now this leads to the quiz. I want to know what you all think the definition of "urbane" is. I realize it would be extremely easy to cheat but I trust your honesty. Plus, it is so much more gratifying to know you're right because you're just that damn smart. Maybe there will even be a prize... especially if it is also used in a sentence correctly. I will post the answer on Friday for those of you that choose not to check Merriam-Webster online after you post.

Ready, set, go.

waste not

If you happen to live in Utah and you happen to have your sister-in-law in town, and her friend happens to suggest you eat at The Pie, you should agree. The pizza is indeed delicious and all the graffiti is, well, interesting. However, if you happen to go to the bathroom before you leave and another customer happens to ask if you are taking your leftovers home and you say "no", don't be surprised when he lifts up the dirty plates and napkins that you've piled on top of your food so he can grab your pizza and bread sticks. Apparently his large pizza and beer weren't quite enough for him.

I was pretty sure I had wiped my nose on my napkin and who knows the germs from the plate sitting on the table which then sat on the pizza. We're all pretty clean gals, disease free, fairly safe to share food with but that's just sick.

you know it's bad when...

Last night I dreamed I was getting married. In my dream there was no groom, no excited feelings, no ring. It was the night before my wedding and I was still shopping for my wedding dress. I was unsuccessful at several stores and was going to resign myself to just wearing a plain white dress. I woke up and laughed. So, you know it's bad when you are dreaming about your incredible talent of procrastination.

my thoughts

Today's post follows ten not so tantalizing minutes of my thoughts. It began simple enough, as I pondered my blog and my incapacity to write... {Enter dreamlike sequence} Man, seems like so long ago that I would think up blog posts when I was drifting to sleep or on my way to work. Every day occurrences would be framed in "how can I write this?" Then it all stopped. I lost my drive. My posts started dwindling along with my creativity. Nothing seemed very interesting anymore. Hey, maybe that's the next post I should write. I'll call it "Readership Down" because, it's not like I write frequently enough. Watership Down freaked the crap out of me. Seeing it on the bookshelf always made me shudder. I'm pretty sure it still freaked me out as a teen. I still have no freakin' clue what it is even about. But I don't know why they made such a scary cover. Is it supposed to be scary? Is it a kids book or what? I wonder if I still think it's creepy. (Pause in thinking while I do a google image search). Okay, so maybe it's not that scary but it still has a creepy factor. Maybe I just don't like rabbits. What was my rabbit's name that ended up with a permanent kink in its neck? I promised I would take such good care of that stinky thing but I didn't really. Mom thought my neglect may have been the cause of the sideways tilt. Ha! When we euthanized it the vet said it was likely a stroke. Innocent! Dang thing. If I ever have kids I'll be sure to know that when the promise to look after whatever thing they want, they're lying. Maybe I should just give up this whole writing gig. Or maybe I'll just write about this.

And I think that took ten minutes or maybe five, but hey, who's counting?

orbit

The best thing I can say about my last relationship is "I got 12 packs of Orbit gum for free." I smile ever time I chew a stick of gum and remember that it did not cost me a dime. Oh how I love bulk purchasing at Costco.

mary jane

On a particularly dark day several months ago my mother said to me "you certainly are an up and down girl, aren't you?" It wasn't the most comforting of words but I love her despite her timing. If she could actually prescribe me medication for my bipolar moments, I might love her even more! She does live on an island that is crawling with folks happy to sell me some medicinal plants to ease any anxieties I may have. I bet those same people enjoyed said herbs today, being 04/20 at 4:20 p.m.

Happy birthday Mom. Stay away from the any special birthday brownies. Thanks for sometimes saying the right thing at the wrong time. It provides humour after the fact.

tips

Here are the travel tips that I will take with me on my next adventure:

1. Always break your Chaco's in several weeks before any excursion. This avoids the embarrassing "tacky tourist" look but the socks provided much needed protection for my blisters. Let's give a round of applause to Lisa for taking this candid shot.
2. Always stop to see the views...

take a cold dip and swim in waterfalls...


because even though the eight hour excursion on the road to hana can be exhausting, it's well worth it. (Even if our faces at the seven sacred pools didn't show it).
3. Take any opportunity to see the sun rise, especially atop Haleakala. It was truly majestic.

4. Even though three can be a crowd, it is always worth the squeeze. I can't believe how much my nieces adored the sand and beach... does it show?

5. Swim with the turtles, get lost in a book and take time for yourself.

Thank you Hawaii, and thank you Lisa for being a great travel buddy.