cars, cars, cars

There have been many vehicles that have caused an aversive reaction within me. Past offenses have been Hummers, Aztecs, Ponys and multiple sports cars (such as Ferraris and Corvettes). However, the recent offenders are as follows:

1. The Smart Car: Who cares if it is environmentally friendly and gets good gas mileage. It's damn ugly and looks like a death trap.


2. Scion xb: I saw these all over California. I thought they were "lowered" until I realized they were made that way. Ugh.


3. PT Cruiser: Nothing needs to be said about this car, except maybe "UGGGLY."


4. Dodge Magnum: This car reminds me of a souped up hearse.

Honorable mention: the Dodge Caliber

Dani, looks like you win. The prize will be another Aisy mixed CD. I agree that most all Dodge vehicles are on the list of "damn, that's ugly."

So, here is my short list. What's yours?

leavin'

I'm headed out of town shortly to the hot spot of Vernal. No disgusting pictures this weekend as calving season is over. My first pop quiz had a lukewarm response, so I'm trying it again. This one has to do with my personal disdain for certain cars. Dani should get at least one correct but I think I may be up to 5. This time I really will award a prize for the person that gets the most correct. I will have a post on Tuesday or Wednesday showcasing the ugliest cars currently on the market.*

*I apologize in advance to any readers who may like or own any of my most hated cars. One can overcome bad taste!

take thought

Today my carelessness almost led to a catastrophe. When I was younger I could shout to my mom to bring me some more toilet paper when I forgot to check the roll before doing my business. She heard innumerable panicked screams of "Hey Mom, I need some toilet paper" from all her children.

As an independent, single adult I have no such person to help me out when I'm in such a bind. So, I typically prepare for emergencies by keeping an extra role in my washroom. Unfortunately paper products have not been on my mind as of late, thus leaving me unprepared. Thankfully I had a few squares to spare... and after the hand washing, quickly resupplied the area with pillowy soft t.p.

know your audience

I confess that I have occasionally sent forwards. Several months back I sent a forward to a select group of friends that may have been interested in the cause I am about to rant on. You will note that I said select. I actually felt uncomfortable doing so but I was doing a favour for man that deserved none.

Yesterday I received not one, but two mass emails asking me to donate money to a presidential candidate. My irritation about the forward was two-fold. Firstly, the one person only had my email through his church duties. I rarely speak to him and he would have no idea as to my political inclination. I have no clue who the other person was. I could only gather that we both receive music emails from a mutual friend. These two idiots abused my email account without really knowing me. Now for the second point, that solidifies the above one, I AM NOT AN AMERICAN. Even if I felt this presidential hopeful was the best thing since sliced bread, I am not legally allowed to donate to his campaign.

I have half a mind to send a searing email to both of them.

the answer is...

Urbane: Notably polite or polished in manner. I wish my Dad, err anonymous, was more urbane. It could have avoided several embarrassing childhood moments when he didn't hold his tongue.

Congratulations Andrew on the first correct response.

For a Friday smile:

A few weeks back in group therapy, my co-therapist had the boys do an exercise. They were asked to line their page from A to Z and write a word or phrase that showcased one of their strengths. They were working quietly when one teen put up his hand and asked "what letter does intelligent start with?"

There was silence, then some stifled laughter followed by fits of giggles. I could not refrain from laughing and hid my face behind my paper. My co-therapist, also smiling, said "anyone laughing who wrote 'kind' as a trait should probably erase it." Yup, scratch that off my list.

pop quiz

Yesterday I was surprised by the definition of "urbane." I was talking to a fellow co-worker about one of my clients, stating he was the "bane of my existence." This co-worker is a wordsmith, interesting as he is a Smith. Anyway, he asked if I could use bane in a sentence without using the word existence. As the discussion proceeded I started playing with the word urbane. My mind often wanders to non-related tangents and the homonym-like quality of urbane and bane made it a natural transition. We then discussed what we thought urbane meant. I had some vague notions but did not know the true definition. Wordsmith and I learned something new by looking it up. I was completely misguided in what I thought urbane meant, as was he.

Now this leads to the quiz. I want to know what you all think the definition of "urbane" is. I realize it would be extremely easy to cheat but I trust your honesty. Plus, it is so much more gratifying to know you're right because you're just that damn smart. Maybe there will even be a prize... especially if it is also used in a sentence correctly. I will post the answer on Friday for those of you that choose not to check Merriam-Webster online after you post.

Ready, set, go.

waste not

If you happen to live in Utah and you happen to have your sister-in-law in town, and her friend happens to suggest you eat at The Pie, you should agree. The pizza is indeed delicious and all the graffiti is, well, interesting. However, if you happen to go to the bathroom before you leave and another customer happens to ask if you are taking your leftovers home and you say "no", don't be surprised when he lifts up the dirty plates and napkins that you've piled on top of your food so he can grab your pizza and bread sticks. Apparently his large pizza and beer weren't quite enough for him.

I was pretty sure I had wiped my nose on my napkin and who knows the germs from the plate sitting on the table which then sat on the pizza. We're all pretty clean gals, disease free, fairly safe to share food with but that's just sick.

you know it's bad when...

Last night I dreamed I was getting married. In my dream there was no groom, no excited feelings, no ring. It was the night before my wedding and I was still shopping for my wedding dress. I was unsuccessful at several stores and was going to resign myself to just wearing a plain white dress. I woke up and laughed. So, you know it's bad when you are dreaming about your incredible talent of procrastination.

my thoughts

Today's post follows ten not so tantalizing minutes of my thoughts. It began simple enough, as I pondered my blog and my incapacity to write... {Enter dreamlike sequence} Man, seems like so long ago that I would think up blog posts when I was drifting to sleep or on my way to work. Every day occurrences would be framed in "how can I write this?" Then it all stopped. I lost my drive. My posts started dwindling along with my creativity. Nothing seemed very interesting anymore. Hey, maybe that's the next post I should write. I'll call it "Readership Down" because, it's not like I write frequently enough. Watership Down freaked the crap out of me. Seeing it on the bookshelf always made me shudder. I'm pretty sure it still freaked me out as a teen. I still have no freakin' clue what it is even about. But I don't know why they made such a scary cover. Is it supposed to be scary? Is it a kids book or what? I wonder if I still think it's creepy. (Pause in thinking while I do a google image search). Okay, so maybe it's not that scary but it still has a creepy factor. Maybe I just don't like rabbits. What was my rabbit's name that ended up with a permanent kink in its neck? I promised I would take such good care of that stinky thing but I didn't really. Mom thought my neglect may have been the cause of the sideways tilt. Ha! When we euthanized it the vet said it was likely a stroke. Innocent! Dang thing. If I ever have kids I'll be sure to know that when the promise to look after whatever thing they want, they're lying. Maybe I should just give up this whole writing gig. Or maybe I'll just write about this.

And I think that took ten minutes or maybe five, but hey, who's counting?

orbit

The best thing I can say about my last relationship is "I got 12 packs of Orbit gum for free." I smile ever time I chew a stick of gum and remember that it did not cost me a dime. Oh how I love bulk purchasing at Costco.

mary jane

On a particularly dark day several months ago my mother said to me "you certainly are an up and down girl, aren't you?" It wasn't the most comforting of words but I love her despite her timing. If she could actually prescribe me medication for my bipolar moments, I might love her even more! She does live on an island that is crawling with folks happy to sell me some medicinal plants to ease any anxieties I may have. I bet those same people enjoyed said herbs today, being 04/20 at 4:20 p.m.

Happy birthday Mom. Stay away from the any special birthday brownies. Thanks for sometimes saying the right thing at the wrong time. It provides humour after the fact.

tips

Here are the travel tips that I will take with me on my next adventure:

1. Always break your Chaco's in several weeks before any excursion. This avoids the embarrassing "tacky tourist" look but the socks provided much needed protection for my blisters. Let's give a round of applause to Lisa for taking this candid shot.
2. Always stop to see the views...

take a cold dip and swim in waterfalls...


because even though the eight hour excursion on the road to hana can be exhausting, it's well worth it. (Even if our faces at the seven sacred pools didn't show it).
3. Take any opportunity to see the sun rise, especially atop Haleakala. It was truly majestic.

4. Even though three can be a crowd, it is always worth the squeeze. I can't believe how much my nieces adored the sand and beach... does it show?

5. Swim with the turtles, get lost in a book and take time for yourself.

Thank you Hawaii, and thank you Lisa for being a great travel buddy.

clarity

The following excerpt is a conversation overheard today at work involving a therapist (who shall remain nameless) and the plant operator.

Therapist: "Has anybody told somebody about the broken handle thingy in the women's restroom?"
Plant Operator: (Laughs) "Has anybody told somebody?"

The conversation proceeded for several minutes to see how often each person could insert the phrase "somebody and anybody." To this therapist's credit, she did use the American term "restroom" rather than the more common usage in Canada, "washroom." It's been hard getting back in to work mode.

on leave

This blog is on a brief hiatus while it takes a vacation... or while its author tans herself in Maui.

go figure!

Thanks to Sherpa's blog for this fun little quiz. Yeah, guess I still have a Canadian accent... phew!

What American accent do you have? Your Result: North Central   "North Central" is what professional linguists call the Minnesota accent. If you saw "Fargo" you probably didn't think the characters sounded very out of the ordinary. Outsiders probably mistake you for a Canadian a lot.
The Midland
The West
The Inland North
Boston
The South
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

thanks

I just wanted to give a big THANK YOU to those Gold Gym members that have slacked off on their New Year's resolution. It is so lovely to not share the pool with fellow swimmers. I actually had a warm shower at the gym and even had to turn down the hot water! I also don't have to fight for counter space and can take as much room as I'd like. Getting through January and February was an annoyance but with March nearing an end, I foresee many more pleasant experiences at the gym... until next January. So here's to broken resolutions ~cheers~

untitled

This post had three potential names. Dave threw in "That not so fresh feeling." Amen and amen. Kris put out "Don't trust your vet." I think it would be more "Don't trust me to fix any of your cows." My idea was "Reason #125 I'm not married." I have a sneaking suspicion that these pictures are not going to big sellers to eligible bachelors. In the end I felt I didn't need a catchy title, as the pictures will speak for themselves.

Before I begin I must post a strong WARNING. Anyone with a weak stomach (i.e. Dad) should avoid my blog for a bit. Looking back on the pictures I have wondered how I actually did what I did. I mean, it was gross and the pictures are gross and I'm really glad for gloves and soap. What could possibly make me look like this? (Click pictures to enlarge)


Well, it first started with getting lubed up. That is never a good sign. Why would you possibly need to get your hand greased up? (These were candid shots so there was no drama faces for the camera. It was the real deal).


This is why I needed a glove and lubricant.

You'll note that I am trying to stand as far away as possible as I am shoving my hand as far as possible up a cow's um, well... I don't want any perverts or fans of bestiality googling the word cow's (insert word here) and stumbling on my blog, so I will tell you this cow aborted a calf and the vet's wanted to make me think I was the only one that could insert some pills in its uterus. (The whole "my hand is too big" trick). Yeah, I chickened out after it started to poop and didn't get near far enough in. The pro took it from there and his hand was not "too big." It's a good job he did because we found maggots on my glove. Ewww.

This is the glove:


This is the opening:


And yes, this was sick. Next on the agenda for me was a prolapsed uterus. This cow was a mean old thing. I was worried about getting kicked but the rancher's wife told me not to worry as "cow's can't kick back, only sideways." Glove went back on and I pushed. They laughed. I pushed some more. They laughed some more. I got grossed out.


I gave up again and the other pro finished the job that I could never do. Later that night I was informed that cow's can and do kick backward. Minutes later I witnessed a cow do that very thing. That would have been nice to know prior to getting behind those beasts! I was also told that the closer you stand the less hurt you will get. You'll note how far back I was standing in that earlier picture. But let's be honest, if a cow kicked me it wouldn't matter how far or close I was. I would get blasted (kind of like this guy... but it's a horse).


It turned out to be another eventful weekend in Vernal. Everyone should thank their vets because they do some nasty stuff. I also have to give a big shout out to long gloves, anti-bacterial soap and the pros for allowing me to be the entertainment for the weekend. When does anyone really get to have stories like that? So it might leave me with that not so fresh feeling or scare off pretty boys (who wants them anyway) but it was an amusing weekend. Vernal has yet to disappoint! No plans to change careers though, I'll stick with mine thanks.

things i've learned in 2007 (so far)

I know that the lessons of the year are far from over, and if the first three months of this year are any indication, I'm in for copious amounts of learning. Here is a short list of the more profound:

1. Always trust my instincts. If something seems fishy, it probably is. I won't expand on this one but my gut doesn't often let me down. Had I trusted it sooner on a certain issue, I may have avoided some frustrating and sad moments. Don't worry dear readers, I am better than ever. The stumbles make you more aware of the rocks.

2. Trying something new can be disgusting, yet entertaining. I had another Vernal weekend and this time I was braver than ever. I will have pictures to post soon so I don't want to ruin too many surprises but it does involve gloves and cows. That's right. Ewwwww.

3. Life without friends and family wouldn't be much of a life at all. They make the joys so much more joyful and the pains more tolerable.

4. A well-timed compliment can make my week. One of the aerobic instructor's at the gym said something really nice to me last week and I appreciated my reflection in the mirror just a little bit more.

5. Taking some time to just enjoy the kids I work with has made a huge difference. When we joke outside of therapy, I am reminded that these are teenage boys who desperately want to feel and be treated normal. The more normal they are treated, the better they get. However, I still think they are the strangest creatures... boys are weird and gross. I'm glad I'm a girl.

What lessons have you learned thus far?

false advertising

In about six months my life could become a storyline on the retired show Thirtysomething. I don't really look my age but I have started to wonder if I should pay more attention to my skin care regime. In an impulsive moment I splurged on some eye cream that promised to "reduce the appearenace of dark circles and puffiness" and "brighten eye area." Where do such promises come from? Are there rigorous studies done where one eyelid etc receives such cream and the other has no cream? After several months of use I have not seen any change. My eyes look just as dark on my tired days and they definitely don't look any more "radiant." I didn't pay an extravagant amount on the cream but it still annoys me that there is not a noticeable difference over my regular face cream.

The sad truth is that I will likely get suckered in to some alternate cream or eye makeup during a vulnerable shopping expedetion. What happened to the good ol' days when I thought that washing my face at the end of the day was a BIG deal?

it's march

And I've gone mad. I've never been a huge sports fan, especially watching it on the television. I will watch the occasional hockey game and become a rabid fan if my team is in the playoffs. I grew up as a third party, and often unwilling, participant to my pop's thirst for sports. He watched most any sport, not even to the exclusion of snookers, darts and the occasional bowling game. Unfortunately, or should I say fortunately, this did not rub off on me. So I questioned my sanity when I accepted an invitation to join a pool for the NCAA basketball tournament, more affectionately dubbed "March Madness." Choosing teams based on a very loose understanding of their ranking or just the sound of their name isn't likely to gain my entrance to the winner's circle. At this point I am less concerned with loosing five dollars as I am to loosing to the most asinine employee at my work. Here's hoping a little beginner's luck will edge him out.

The Final: Kansas vs. Georgetown

The Winner: Kansas

Have I gone mad? Questionable

hey mom, i'm going to...

No, not Disneyland. I've never been and maybe one day I'll go but for now I will settle for Hawaii. Tonight I took the plunge and booked a ticket. This is big as I've been accused of being a miser many times in my life. It used to drive my sister crazy that I would never finish my Easter candy on the first day. She would expect me to share and I wouldn't... and then it would go uneaten. There was plenty of years that my Halloween bag would still have candy in it the following year because after hoarding it I would forget it existed. Candy led to money and my frugality still exists. At least I'm the kind of girl that doesn't have excessive debt because of an overpriced wardrobe or something equally ridiculous. However, it dawned on me recently that this is the time of my life to have experiences and maybe just spend a little. And so in April I will descend upon Maui and love every minute of it.

mediation vs. kicking butt

Today my friend and I met a former therapist at the gym. She was in practice for 15 years but now teaches martial arts. We left the gym laughing because it was easier than crying. We wondered if being a therapist your whole life is a pipe dream. We joked at what our next career would be after the therapy world burned us out. Maybe beating the crap out of people in a socially normative way is a good choice. Unfortunately I have no skills in any form of martial arts, other than my own creation used in defense against older brothers.

After several years of being in practice I have some hilarious stories. I also have some heartbreaking ones. I've learned to softly navigate boyhood crushes. I'm accustomed to being the punching bag when they can't say those things to their parent. And on numerous occasions I have been immensely frustrated with the choices my clients make. Yet despite all that, I couldn't imagine any other career...

quoting

There have been a lot of things going on in my life which has left little time for oringal thought on this blog. There was a comment on Postsecret that I read today and it seemed to sum up some of my thoughts fairly well. Enjoy...

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." -Garden State

chew on this...

My sister sent me this link today. It happens to involve two things that I hate: rats and KFC.

take a break

I've noticed an unsettling trend with mp3 players. More and more people are wearing them while they are with others. I saw a dad walking with his family while listening to his iPod. Then last week I saw a couple holding hands while the boy was contently listening to music. A guy that wants to hold my hand is also going to be courteous enough to take a break from music. Seriously people, you can't just enjoy conversation? I love my shuffle when jogging or skiing but when I'm with people, I want to enjoy people. Take the buds out and try to just enjoy life... and people.

choices

Babies don't choose who they are born to. They don't choose if they are dressed in Gap or Wal-mart brand. They don't choose if they are breast fed or formula fed. They don't choose if they wear Pampers or Huggies. Girl babies certainly don't choose if their parent pastes little bows to identify the hairless wonder as a girl.
All of these choiceless acts are relatively harmless (except perhaps the family they were born in to and formula feeding). What irks me though is the choice of parents to pierce their little daughter's ears. I witnessed two baby girls in two different stores being traumatized over it. I recognize that piercing only hurts for a short time but there was plenty wailing and gnashing of teeth going on. The suckers barely soothed them. They looked frightened and distressed, and I had to wonder if it was really worth it. I wanted to cry for them. I thought the mother's must have felt slightly horrified as they held their girl's head tightly. Is it that important that everyone knows they are a girl at 6 months old or that their pierced ears will look so darling? I think kids are already growing up too fast. I see high heeled shoes in the kid section, mid-riff tops for pre-teens and hooped earrings on toddlers. I suppose it's a personal decision for each parent but it's not one that I support. Why not wait until they are begging you for pierced ears? They will promise to take care of them and clean their ears every single day. Then they'll regret the choice several months later when they have a massive infection from not cleaning them. The earrings will be stuck to their ears and it will be excruciatingly painful to remove the earrings. My mom can attest to my own process of ear neglect at the age of six. I don't think I re-pierced them until I was a teen. I don't even wear earrings now. Go figure.

avoidance

There were several subjects I avoided like the plague in university: math and hard science. I also managed to get two degrees without any business or economic classes which I now somewhat regret. Every day I hear about the NASDAQ and Dow Jones Industrial Average without any clue of what that actually means. I am assuming that when they are up, that's a good thing. Why? I have no idea. Today I even did a little reading on Wikipedia to help me understand it. I only got through the first paragraph before I felt like sleeping. I know that the NASDAQ is an electronic stock exchange but I don't comprehend why one would want it up. I'd like to feel smart when the news reports the NASDAQ is up or the Dow is down. But in all reality, how many average news viewers actually grasp the importance of the fluctuating markets?

Perhaps in my next life I will be a business maverick but until then, I will be hopelessly clueless.

cars

I wonder why emission and safety inspections are required to register your car in Utah. Who does this ultimately benefit? Do mechanics put a lot of money in to politician's coffers? I wonder why I typically wait till the last day to get my emission test and registration. Can I blame my procrastination on undiagnosed ADHD? And if I do, does that require me to start making changes? I wonder why another customer continued to sing out loud despite the close quarters and my unfriendly looks. While I admire his confidence to enjoy his music, does he really think the rest of us wanted to be subjected to it? Can't he recognize that we are already enduring a fuzzy radio station and a woman talking loudly on her cell? I wonder why I declined to pay an extra $10 fee to complete my registration there, as I had to wait another 20 minutes at town hall. I know I can be cheap but at what point do I value my time more than my money? Sometimes owning a vehicle can be a pain.

i love...

I love the Calgary Flames. I also loved the 80s (except for the junior high years). However, when you mix the Flames and the 80s you get this:



Can't say it doesn't bring a smile to my face but for all the wrong reasons.

hot stuff

I went skiing yesterday and was amazed to still see some of these things kicking around:

Don't these men and women know that if it is difficult to find them in stores it is likely out of fashion? It took me some time to find a picture on the internet let alone find a place that sells them. Not only are they a fashion faux pas but they are highly impractical. Sure, you don't get snow up your back if you wipe out but using the washroom must require some major technical skill.

current list

There have been a few things that have been annoying me lately so I have decided that it is list time again.

1. I have a penchant for celebrity gossip. It's trash and ridiculous but it helps me decompress from stressful work days. I will often peruse the different online articles but have become disenchanted. While I recognize that my literary skills can be lacking this type of journalism drives me (to quote Gwen) B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Cuz, like, you know, like I really want to like, read an article like as if it was written by a 15 year old or like Paris Hilton cuz like if it's about celebs then like it should be totally like, written all fun and silly and become really, zoinks, ha ha, irritating to read. I'm an educated reader who wants to occasionally read the dish without being insulted by ridiculous writing.
2. I hate that chlorine sticks to my body after showering and putting pretty smelling lotion on. It is particularly distasteful when I work out the next day and smell like a swimming pool. I am starting to rethink this whole triathlon training because I am not sure I can tolerate the next 7 months of weekly reeking of chlorine.
3. My landlord happens to be a on cruise the same week one of our pipes freeze. It has left us without cold water in the kitchen but more importantly, my toilet tank has not been refilling. Thank you mother nature for record setting cold.
4. Dry hands, dry hands, dry hands. I slather on the lotion repeatedly only to find them just as dry as they were five minutes ago. I had eczema as a kid and I think I currently have it on my hands. Another shout out to the dry freaking land that I am currently living in. I will never forget my lotion-free week I spent in Mexico. Now that was bliss.
5. The spell-check on blogger is by far the most pathetic thing I have ever seen. Words it does not recognize in this post: disenchanted, eczema, triathlon, slather, and blogger. I did have them all spelled correctly to begin with.

idol worship

Here's the footage...



And here's the spin.

say what?

My sister and I were shopping over the Christmas break when Nickelback started playing over the speaker system. We made a quick retreat out of the store to avoid any more unpleasantness and began a conversation over their popularity. It's shocking to see that they are consistently on the Top 10 list of iTunes downloads. I can appreciate that there are all sorts of musical tastes but Nickelback? Really? Chad Kroeger's voice has to be one of the most grating things I have heard. I swear my ears start bleeding. All the music sounds the same and damn, he's ugly. Then I read tonight that they won a People's Choice Award. While most of the winner's are "interesting" choices I am still bewildered about their popularity. How can anyone in their right mind listen to a whole Nickelback album, let alone vote for them? This is not a group that I am proud to say are Canadian.

(If you are a fan, please don't take offense but do explain the allure)

signs

If you, your future spouse, and your mother (in-law) are registering gift items at Target, this may be a sign that you need a few more years before taking the marriage plunge. If your mom actually needs to help you decide which salt and pepper shakers to get then how did you ever decide to get married? I'm glad she pointed out the difference between those that grind salt versus those that don't. I hope she is also able to steer you to the more pressing issues of your life. More importantly, I hope you learn how to make some very basic decisions on your own.

If you act superior to those people that take a parent to make bridal registry decisions, this may be a sign you have become too cynical. I hope when you call your mom for help about some petty decision you will remember your hypocrisy. And even though you try to chastise yourself for your arrogance, there is a smugness in knowing you will happily register with your future spouse... without your mom.

bravo

This is a face I could keep looking at (unlike the pictures from the previous post).

Thank goodness for real life heroes. It gives me pause to think of how likely I would have been to initiate help.

little resolve

I never follow through on New Year resolutions because, well, I'm not sure why. I am good at making firm decisions to not make goals. WAIT. Don't stop reading yet, as I have no desire to talk any more about resolutions. Take a look at this


Channel surfing reminded me again of the horror that is women body building. TLC has shown numerous times the "Supersize She" show. It is all about a woman's pursuit to look and sound horrific. I don't mean to be cruel but I cannot grasp the desire to look like this:

Their heads look so small and they look so manly. I'm not just a woman hater because this frightens me just as much. Please use weights in moderation, avoid steroids and tanning, and go easy on the body oil. It will create a much more visibly friendly world.

a very merry christmas

After hearing my flight was cancelled on Friday, and waiting for an hour and a half in a line to reschedule a flight, I started to feel a little dejected. There were some very nice people in line that made the time go by faster as we each shared our story. The girl behind me missed her connecting flight and her luggage was left in Arizona as they were told they could either take people or luggage. I quickly realized how fortunate I was to at least know where my bags were. I was relieved when I was given a flight the next morning. They told me they could release my bags to me so I could have a change of clothes. After waiting several hours to get my luggage I gave up and went to the hotel with my little toiletry bag from the airline. There were three Elders from my church that were on my original flight on their way home after their two year mission. I felt bad for them and their families having to wait one more day to see each other. My flight the next day was an hour and a half delayed which started to increase my anxiety. When they started boarding us I was in tears out of pure relief and happiness. I was so thankful to know that I would get home in time to spend Christmas with my family.

Tonight we had most the family together (we missed the Bostonians). We watched a video about the birth of the Savior and sang Christmas carols. I had the overwhelming feeling of gratitude to be a part of a loving family, sharing our love for Jesus Christ. We all laughed at my niece that is terrified of Santa. Any mention of his name brought her to tears while her parents reassured her that Santa would not come to their house. If this keeps up their holiday leverage will be "if you're naughty Santa is going to come." She's two so she may outgrow her Santaphobia. The kids will likely be hopped on sugar and excitement tomorrow so there will be more tears to come but that's what makes family gatherings so entertaining.

I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas day. Thank you for the friendship and readership over the past year.

nice name

On Monday I opened my inbox to see that I had written myself an email. I thought it was strange because I didn't remember sending an email entitled "this is random." Thinking it was spam, I was about to delete it when curiosity got the best of me. I opened it up to discover that my name twin had googled herself and came across an old post of mine. Now, if my name was something common like Jenn Smith I might not find this so odd. Although my last name is fairly common, I have yet to meet another Aislinn. In our several emails we have discovered that we were born in the same year but that her name is pronounced phonetically while mine is the Gaelic pronunciation (Ashlyn). A very random but amusing experience.

my new friend

That's right. CLR is my new favourite bathroom cleaner. After burning my lungs several times using Lysol Bathroom Cleaner with Bleach, I decided to try something different. My former roommate left the glass shower doors with terrible watermarks and a dingy ring around the tub. I first bought the wretched Lysol cleaner as it professed to rid my bathroom of mildew and other stains. It helped a little but my health would quickly deteriorate after its use. I remembered the CLR ads of my youth, stating it was sold in fine establishments such as Canadian Tire, K-Mart, etc etc. The commercials showed it dissolving tough coffee stains and working miracles on hard water residue. On Saturday I experienced its amazing power. I could finally see through the glass, my sinks were sparkling and I didn't have four hours of pain and smoker's cough. This new bond is going to be tough to break. I still wish I could pay someone to clean my bathroom but until then, this $4 gem is my newest ticket to happiness.

oops

I went out my garage for my run on Saturday. Afterward I was stretching on my lawn when I noticed this:


Apparently my roommate got home at 3 a.m. the night before and must have been really exhausted, as the keys sat in that place for the next seven hours. It sure was fun to tease her.

dating s.o.s

I found this charming street sign while my sister and I were lost in San Francisco. If only life was full of S.O.S's for those in need of help, such as the sad chap in the following story. I find this amusing because I was not the person on the receiving end, although I dearly love the poor lass that was.

It all started Wednesday night when she received a call from a gentleman at her church. She did not answer the phone as it was an unidentified number. After listening to the message we were impressed that he called several days before the date, left her a compliment and had it all planned out. Several ingredients for a good time. The first warning sign was an anxious text the next day asking if she had received the message. This was brushed off as perhaps a little overeager. Friday was when the storm hit. This was not some regular ocean storm, it was a full on tsunami.

The first indication that the clouds had started to darken was when he stated to her "I've been wanting to ask you out for weeks because you're so damn sexy but I was never able to because you were out of church like lightning every time." Rain poured down with phrases such as "You are so sexy, do you know how sexy you are?", "I am with, by far, the prettiest girl here", "I LOVE the way you dress, it's so hot", " You have a rockin stomach and your body is perfect." While this is all true, I would like to restate that this was a first date with only a very brief conversation prior to the big event.

She was being engulfed with large waves with more and more questions, namely: So how is your romantic/dating life? How do you handle being so sexy? When did you last have a romantic encounter? So what was your first impression of me?

And then the tsunami hit. To quote her "He kept touching me ... we went to a concert... it was a sit down event... he quickly had his arm around me and tickled/scratched my back... I sat in a balled up position most of the show. Then also at dinner... arm around... and then the comments... "I'm sorry I keep touching you, I just can't help myself, you're so hot." Fast forward to the door scene... he had already pecked me on the cheek randomly when I was standing up at some point in the night... I was a little worried at the door as he had admitted earlier "I don't usually go more then three weeks without kissing a girl, although I've only once ever had a 'hookup.' So he walked me to the door, and I was carrying my bag and leftovers, so I went to give him an awkward hug, and his face came in... so mine went out, to the outside of his arm... and then quickly turned around and went in."

The storm was over but there were residual waves afterward. Several texts about how gorgeous and sexy she was with hopes of a second date. Although you would think it was my friend that needed the life raft on the date, it was this sad sack of a man that needed the help. Not only is it unattractive to be called sexy and to have unsolicited touching on a first date, it's actually offensive. So for those of you creating such storms, please keep them in the middle of the ocean where no one is impacted by your destructive sexual frustrations.

directions smcherections

Last week I got home from spin class, showered, got ready for work and took my multivitamin. I was almost out the door when I was sidelined by nausea. After expelling all my stomach contents (Powerade and vitamins) into the toilet I felt much better. I ate oatmeal in the car and headed to work. I attributed the sickness to my spin class but yesterday I took my vitamin again while getting ready. I started to feel ill and quickly stuffed my face with a fruit bar, hopeful it wouldn't end up in the loo. I went over to my cupboard and read the label "take one pill with food." I've never thought medication or vitamin directions were really necessary but now I'm starting to rethink that. The most twisted aspect to this is that I am tempted to take the vitamin again on an empty stomach just to see if it really is inducing nausea. It's like when I touch a bruise over and over again because maybe the 10th time I touch it the pain will go away. Am I alone here?

crashing a holiday

I explained to many friends, acquaintances and students that Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving in October and yet I still took two days off to sneak one more turkey dinner in before Christmas. The hospitable folks in Vernal offered their home and food yet again. It was a fabulous meal and great company. Unlike a Kelly gathering, the holiday dinner went off without any drama. If only Mike had remembered the potatoes our October feast may have run a little smoother!

Rather than watching horse surgery, we rode them instead. By we, I mean just Kris and I. We had expected the more experienced horse riders to be our guides but they trusted us or trusted that our chances for death were slim. The worst would likely be serious injury. We did just fine and came home to watch BYU take the game away from the U at the very last second. Only two explanations can answer why they won the game. It was either due to me wearing my Y sweater or divine intervention from God. I think it was the sweater. A little more secular action was in store when we headed in to town for the evening entertainment. I was too cold to get out of the car to capture a picture of the six float Christmas parade with Santa and Mrs. Claus as the piece de resistance. I was disappointed that the high school marching band did not make an appearance as the two Vernalites that stayed home were parade band alumni.

Dinner for the evening was toasties which is a sandwich cooked in a fire using one of these. (I had no clue how to search for these but my mad google skills led me to the link). I managed to make mine perfect but struggled when making one for Kris. I forget the second slice of bread which was only discovered after it came out of the fire. I almost repeated the mistake on the redo until a kind soul took pity on me and pointed to the lonesome piece of bread waiting to be included. Another kind soul offered me this diagram after the almost twice repeated fiasco. I managed to do several other foolish things over the course of the weekend that will provide endless teasing on par with my human milk statement on my very first Vernal appearance. Hey, I'm willing to entertain in any form.

Although I'm not American, I'm still willing to give a little thanks. And this year, I'm thankful for good friends, loving family, and laughter.

you take the good, you take the bad

Here's the facts of my life over the last week:

Exhibit A:


San Francisco with my sister was a delight. The car we had to drive was not. While I realize that some may actually like PT Cruisers, and like my co-worker, actually request one to rent, my sister and I were mortified. Not only are they hideous, but they are also the most functionally stupid car I've been in.

Exhibit B:


Seeing Bishop Allen on Thursday night, in Provo of all places, was superb. It felt so good to see a live show while I sang and danced my cares away. The downside was a short set as they did not headline the show. The girl is no longer in the band which was a downer on Busted Heart.

As Bishop Allen says "things are what you make of them" and I guess I'll take the bad because it can also come with a lot of good. We'll see what I make of my blog. I have been contemplating a hiatus for various reasons. Thank you to those that keep on coming back even with dwindling posts. I plan to get off the fence soon.

these are the days

Have you ever had one of those days?

You know the kind... the power goes out at 7:30 a.m. right in the middle of getting ready for work. Mascara is applied in the dark and your hair has to be pulled back to try and pull off a semi-professional look. Realizing that the garage will not open automatically due to the electricity outage, you yank it open with all your force. Then your day worsens when the co-worker problem is only exacerbated by terrible mishandling of a third party and for fear of getting dooced you choose not to write any specifics on your blog. You come home feeling tired and hungry. You decide that it is finally time to cook a proper meal. However, you cupboard lacks enough ingredients to make anything substantial. While deciding what to do with the situation you purchase some music online that is sure to make you cry so you hold off on actually listening to it. The decision is made to cook so it is off to the grocery store. You think your luck is shifting when you hop in to the shortest line... until you realize that the two customers in front of you have food stamps. You end up waiting longer than any other line. You come home and decide that tonight would be a good night to christen your Pampered Chef food chopper thingy. You manage to use it improperly and watch helplessly as green peppers fly all over the kitchen. Despite the warning of sharp blades, you cut your finger pretty nicely on them during clean up. You would rather just vegetate in front of the television but you have nagging feelings of guilt for neglecting your blog. Rather than wait until you might be able to pull of a mildly entertaining post, you indulge yourself and write about the crap of a day you had.

If you have ever had a day like that, I can empathize.

ridiculously useless information on ears

I have recently been fascinated with the huge variety of ears out there. I realize that ears are just as unique as any other body part, like hands, eyes and noses but I haven't spent much time examining them. My study of the ear grew out of an uncomfortable work experience, namely "unsolicited flirting by a co-worker." When another co-worker asked why I didn't reciprocate, my response was that his ears were too small for any conceivable attraction on my part. Ears are not something I typically notice but his seemed abnormally tiny. At church this past Sunday my eyes feasted on the enormous variety of ears. Things I learned:
1. Girls can also have exceptionally small ears.
2. Some ears are very large.
3. Some ears protrude to an uncomfortable level
4. Lobes can come in all sorts of shapes. There are those folks with creases or misshapened lobes. Some lobes attach right to the head. (Apparently attached earlobes are a recessive trait... things learned on google image search).
5. Hair on ears are often blonde.
6. The more you look at ears, the more ugly they become

happy halloween

spam, spam, bacon and spam

Over the last two weeks the most action my Gmail account has seen is spam. Each day I receive several variations of the word Viagra. Some days it's Viapra or Vdarga or Vigria. The combinations never stop nor does the spam. I'm not quite sure how I got the spam or when it will stop. It even started going to my work email which has become quite a nuisance. It's driving me crazy.

To see someone else who HATES spam, click on the link in the title. Blessed Monty Python. As a side note, one year my siblings and I listened to the Final Rip repeatedly on a family holiday. I think I had each sketch memorized and my parents likely had to take multiple meds to keep from going insane. We also listened to some other comedy tape that my brother had. All I remember is a song that said "boot to the head, na na... boot to the head na na... boot to the head, na na. BOOT TO THE HEAD." If anyone knows that reference I'd like to look it up.

an honest mistake

I was loading my groceries in to my car when I noticed I had forgotten the laundry detergent that was on the bottom of my cart. I had a momentary thought of driving off with free ALL but my lil' angel spoke louder than my lil' devil so I drudged back in to Target to pay up. I was standing in line feeling utterly exhausted from my day when I noticed the woman in front of me had a twelve pack of Mountain Dew at the bottom of her cart. She paid her $34 bill all in one dollar bills which gave me ample time to ask her if she had forgotten the Dew. Although a very interesting self commentary was going off in my head, I had no mental energy or desire to speak audibly to her. As I was driving off I noticed her walking back in to Target with the pop in hand. I felt slightly guilty for speaking up in the store but was also mildly amused that we had a twin experience. Both space cadets and both honest. If you're feeling devious there's a good chance you can make off with free goodies at Target by using the bottom of your cart.

fabulous fall

Reasons to love all the Seasons (but mostly fall).

1. Gorgeous sunsets


2. Hikes to capture the views


3. Leaves, leaves and Jo


4. Walks in the brisk air


Breathe in deep and smile...

la la la love

I've always pondered how one gets to the point that they really know that the person they are with is the person they want to marry. I have had thoughts of marriage in prior relationships but it was always coupled with an equal or greater amount of doubt. People can explain the process but it cannot be fully comprehended until you are experiencing it yourself. No amount of studying or training can give you the vicarious feeling. I suppose this topic has been on my mind recently due to three wedding invites, as well as a good friend calling me this week to tell me he was engaged. What I found fascinating about our discussion was how ecstatic he was. I usually hear this from my girlfriends but it was a first to hear it from a guy friend. Their dating was easy, the decision was a no-brainer and he was excited... which got me excited. He still did not know how it all happened but that it did happen. (He didn't help much in the department of "figuring out how one takes the next step" but he's in love so he gets a pass.)

I know that people go in to marriage with all sorts of dating experiences. Some of the happiest marriages had rocky dating moments and some of the happiest dating led to a less than thrilling marriage. I heard the latter scenario many times when I did marital counseling. However, listening to my friend and seeing him when I was home made me hopeful for a future dating experience like his. It would seem much easier to enter marriage fully enamored and with a solid knowing. I'm done with wishy washy and conflicted feelings from the other. I want a man that knows what he wants... which is me. (If any of you have found this man, please have him contact me directly. Ha!) I find the thought of marriage frightening enough, so the last thing I want to do is spend months on end dating someone who is constantly unsure. Perhaps I'm unrealistic but while I'm still single I'm going to dream for my ideal.

So B, if you're reading this, congratulations and thanks for reminding me that it feels so good to feel mushy. It's easy to dream of adoration when the leaves are beautiful and the air is crisp. I hope to post some pictures soon that show why I love this season so much.

teaching moments at work

I'm all for lessons, and 15 minutes ago I learned my lesson on why you don't mess with candle wax at work. I have a candle warmer and there was a wax bubble developing in my candle. I have pushed the bubbles down before, as it allows me a better view of the melting wax. (It's my form of relaxation during my stressful days). Today was just another ordinary, bubble pushing down day UNTIL wax sprayed everywhere. Wax is on my desk, keyboard, paperwork, skirt, shirt and hair. No amount of washing or scraping will get the remnants off. So, I'm down to my undershirt and jacket as my blouse was the worst hit. What can I say... I'm a class act.

ungrateful

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada but since I'm not there, I thought I would post on what I am NOT thankful for.

1. My broken gas gauge. Loosing all power on the freeway was a bit of a scare but wasting three hours to get the problem sorted out was worse. At first it was thought that my fuel pump would need to be replaced but luckily it didn't. The silver lining was that my bill was cut down by at least 70% from the first estimate.
2. A bird perched on a woman's shoulder in public. It's nasty enough to dodge bird poop from the wild ones, but seeing a stream of bird crap on a woman's back because she is foolish/crazy enough to carry it about with her is grotesque. My sister and I have brain scars but no other permanent record as it was near impossible to take a discreet picture.
3. Cellular phone charges. I have had my current plan for almost a year and never come close to maxing out my minutes. Let me tell you that 40 cents for each additional minute over your plan adds up pretty damn fast. Thank you T-Mobile for not helping in the least bit about the situation. I'll be sure to switch to a more fair plan/company when my contract is up at the end of October.
4. Pull out hotel beds. I'm not sure who can sleep soundly when each roll creates a new pain from the metal bars digging in to every last inch of fat, bone and skin on your body. However, body aches are worth the sacrifice in order to spend several days with two adorable nieces.
5. Stinky feet. One of those previously mentioned adorable nieces has a new pair of shoes that leaves a not so adorable odour. Thankfully socks and soap can remedy the problem.

brief hiatus

I won't be blogging for a bit, as I will be on a journey to my home and native land. The time has come for me to renew my work visa and come Tuesday, I'll find out if I have been granted another year to work in the USA.

Something to ponder in my absence is ATM's in churches. Yesterday NPR reported that pastors etc have decided that since most people just carry cards, ATM's will make donations easier for their congregation. The idea is mildly offensive to me, although there is nothing to say it's wrong. I believe that if someone is really committed to the continuation of their church they will make an effort to remember their cheque book or bring some cash. What's next? Credit card machines in the pews? One easy swipe and your conscience is clean for another week.

Best song of the week: Your Ex-Lover is Dead by the Stars. The vocals and cello are beautiful.

shop till you drop

Want to change your hairstyle without cutting your hair? Do you have unexpected thinning of your hair? Well, look no further as Toni Bratten has teamed up with the Home Shopping Network to sell you this. I stumbled across these gems while flipping channels on my t.v. Unfortunately I can't remember how to block channels so QVC and HSN get several seconds of my time when I'm trying to find something to watch. Sometimes I stop for several minutes, fascinated at the junk that is being hawked. On top of that, the announcers are irritating, the guests are silly and the models look stiff. I enjoy the bright lights on the fake jewels that make them shimmer as though it's a solar eclipse. However, the part I find most interesting is watching the sale counter go up and up on the side of the screen. Several hundred people will drop a good chunk of change on something this awful. In what part of the country is this worth 200 bucks? If you want something this ugly, go to your local dollar store and pick it up for pocket change. Seriously, who buys this crap?

dominoes

When I was younger, I thought that the only thing you did with dominoes was something like the video below. Granted I never had the patience or talent that this guy has. It's unfortunate that the lighting made it difficult to see all of it. However, it's still amazing.

keeping tabs

Injury count for the week: Two (or three if counting bruised ego)

1) Bruised and cut knuckle from glass shower door slamming it at full speed.
Curse words emitted: Three out loud, multiple inside head

2) Cut from a serrated knife on fleshy part of thumb.
Curse words emitted: Partial word that was not completely uttered due to mix company.

Goal for next week: Zero

do you remember the time?

I remember when I was a kid the feverish excitement of an upcoming birthday. The party would be planned, invitations given out, cakes chosen and a list of desired items. This year I practically forgot my birthday. My supervisor made an announcement in group supervision last week that two of the therapists had birthdays coming up and I had a brief wondering who they were. Thankfully my mouth didn't get ahead of my mind as I silently realized I was one of the lucky fools.

I entered my birthday weekend like any other. Since my birthday fell on a Sunday, I chose Saturday to be my token celebration. With much "excitement" I got up early to do some cardio and then yoga (ahem David). As I entered the garage, I discovered that my car also wanted to cash in on birthday gifts. Rather than politely asking for something, it passively aggressively made it clear by getting a flat tire. My workout was out the window and I headed off to Costco with my spare tire proving its worth. Several hundred dollars later my car got two sweet tires and drove happily away. Mother nature was the party pooper and showered rain/hail/snow so anything outdoor was out... such as hiking or the Indian festival at the Krishna temple. I thought I deserved to get myself a gift so I returned to Costco to buy myself a digital camera. In August I purchased myself a gift in Chicago but the realization that it was over a month ago gave me permission to call that a souvenir rather than a birthday present. Please note that my camera beautifully captures my purse that I designed myself. Well, I chose the fabrics which was so much fun.


Saturday ended with some good Thai food and an all-girl slumber party (that ended before midnight because we're "past our prime.") My friends got me some great gifts... a certificate to REI, an exercise ball and a painted picture from my uber-talented artsy friend. Also my family sang numerous versions of happy birthday, gave cookies, cash and a book. My birthday was like most other days except that I got to hear from close family and friends all in one day. The difference today is that I have to make a mental note that I am now 29. I don't miss the excitement of birthdays of yesteryear. I like the laid back style and the happiness I feel from the all the calls and cards. Thank you to those of you that made my day feel a little more special.

words, words, words

My friend finds one of my common phrases amusing. It's "good job" with something else... like "good job that board didn't hit you in the head." I never thought twice about it until she would laugh and mimic me. Recently when I was visiting my parents I heard my mom say "good job blah blah blah" and I realized it was either a family phrase or something that Canadians say.

I've noticed that people's word usage can either be endearing or aggravating. My tolerance is often dependent on my level of like or disdain. For instance, one of my less favourite co-worker's has a habit of using "deserve" in strange ways. She was talking with one of my clients and kept saying that he deserved to work towards attending an NA group. It seemed off to me, on top of her saying the word a half dozen times in five minutes. Then today I overheard her talking to another co-worker about applying for a part-time job. She said "I deserve to at least drop of an application." Say what? I'm beginning to question myself if it's just me or she is using it wrong. It's a good job that I don't have to be the word police. All I know for sure is that when she does say it, I cringe inside.

So phrases... what ones do you love, hate or are simply confusing?

the problem with forgetting

My friend gets ready for work at the gym pretty much every morning. Recently she was getting ready when a stranger asked to use her deodorant. She was taken off guard and said yes but later was really grossed out by it. I too found it rather odd. That's one of those moments when you suck up the four bucks and go buy yourself some rather than swiping your pit on to a random person's hygienic product. If it was your friend or family, perhaps the communal sharing would be okay.

Friday we did a spin class at a gym closer to work, so I opted to get ready at the gym. I did a mental checklist of what I would need and was quite proud of how quickly I packed. As I got my towel to shower I realized I had forgotten my shower sandals. I was completely skeeved out as I stood in the shower barefoot. Thankfully I have not seen any strange growths on my feet since. Then as I was getting ready I shuddered when I realized that I had not packed one of the most essential pieces to a woman's wardrobe. I put my sweaty grey sports bra back on and was grateful it did not show through my shirt. I was not too happy with the uni-boob look but a bra isn't something I can quickly run in to target to buy. Why couldn't I have just forgot my deodorant???

only the best

I've often wondered about the criteria used for places to claim they are the "best." There is a dive down my street that states it is the best Chinese food in town. There are plenty of great Mexican establishments but Chinese food is not this town's forte. So anything claiming to be the best Chinese food is something to be wary of. I had first thought it was the best merely because it was the only, however I found a half dozen other Chinese restaurants listed in my area. The last time I went to a restaurant that claimed to be the "best" was an Indian place in San Diego. After listening to the same techno song looped over and over, I decided that the food could be incredible (which it wasn't) and I still would have wished I was somewhere else. I asked the server if he found the music annoying but he said he didn't really listen to it anymore. Perhaps that is how workers at Gap et al feel with their repeated CDs. Workers may develop an ability to block it out but as a diner, I found it impossible.

So my little neighbourhood Chinese food may indeed be the "best Chinese food in town" but I'm not going to risk finding out.