the day a narcissist felt me up

Last night I went up to Salt Lake City to see The Dandy Warhol's do their thing. I'll be posting a synopsis of the show on Popscoff. This post is to share an uncomfortable highlight.

While I was waiting for Courtney et al., to take the stage, I was chatting with friends. Suddenly this guy grabs me and starts talking to me. This is the conversation (the bracketed words are my thoughts).

Him: Are you a Dandy Warhol fan?
Me: Yes (man, this guy is really close and he's touching my back ALL over).
Him: Have you heard of the Brian Jonestown Massacre?
Me: Yeah. I recently watched Dig! (Crap, every time I move, he pulls me closer. Wait..this creep looks vaguely familar).
Him: I'm in the band (smiles). Who do you like better? (Man, this molester is Anton Newcombe. He's an unbalanced fellow. How do I answer this so that he'll stop touching me and so I don't tick him off?)
Me: (Smile). I like you both equally. (I think he has successfully touched every square inch of my back, and I'm hoping he will leave so my backside isn't the next target).
Him: Ah.. (smiles and walks off)
(my personal space was just violated by anton)

Now, it could be some random stranger who thought it would be funny to pretend to be in BJM, and who looks an awful like Anton Newcombe, but my intuition said it was him. The strangest part to me is that I'm not typically the woman in the crowd who gets unsolicited attention... especially from crazy musicians. But at least I have an interesting story to tell in my usually boring life. The Dandy's played an awesome set, and I took some awful pictures with my camera phone!

A Christmas carol

If you are not in the Christmas mood yet, this will surely help.

Just when you think this song can't get any better, it does. I'm sufficiently smiling to go and brave the masses at the mall.
O Holy Crap!

And to reaffirm my disdain for cats, there's this little ditty.

who thought this was clever?

I have driven the same route to work for the last month but only today noticed a delightful used car dealership. In this instance, the term "used car dealership" is generous. It was more reminsicent of that neighbour who always had enough cars on their front lawn to start a business. Despite the lackluster appearance, it had one of the best business names ever, "Konsigned Kar Korner". One typically expects that sort of genius to be reserved only for motorhomes, which got me thinking...

Isn't it odd that there are three K's in the name? Is it really just a cover for something far more sinister? Utah county is 89.2% Caucasian. I sat with this tangential thinking for mere minutes before I shook the Dan Brown out of me and drove on.

The likely conclusion? This business suffered the same misfortune as many children here in Utah. It was given a name that never should have been brought to fruition.

this little piggy

I ran across this fun little time waster on pants that fit's blog. This was my pig!

Just another reminder that I am not artistic.

draw your own

p.s. my links order has changed based on those that more regularly post... but I love you all the same.

bah-humbug

I realize I run the risk of being accused of Scrooge-like behavior for this post, but Christmas decorations in November is ridiculous. Americans haven't even finished their turkey feasting yet! I drove to work Monday morning and saw the town had been attacked the night before with wreaths streaming from the lampposts. Driving home Monday I noticed that some people had already put their Christmas lights on. Even the local stores have got their Christmas decorations out for sale.

Perhaps I have been scarred over the last five years of Christmas as my mom felt that decorating the fern was sufficient in lieu of a Christmas tree. She had numerous excuses for this, such as "the artificial tree doesn't fit in our new house" or "we will be having Christmas at Danielle's anyways." I was then left to feel guilty about my behaviour because I was "not acting my age." Hey, a twenty-something is allowed to act like a five year old when the so-called Christmas tree is a a wimpy fern that looks more pathetic than a Charlie Brown tree. In my mom's defense, the guilt-inducers were the always good, always sweet siblings who took it upon themselves to scold me for making my mom feel guilty about the tree. I love family dynamics!

Despite the crap-for-tree of the last few years, I am confident that even with a proper tree I'd still think Christmas decor should ONLY come out in December. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas... it's my favourite holiday. But how long can we endure "Santa's coming to town" piped in to the sound system and creepy elves staring back at us before Christmas actually hits? And let's face it, we're still yelling at the driver next to us right up to Christmas... so it's not like the early reminders are making us any more Christ-like.

ode to a friend

Part of the being a blogger means there is that tiny piece of egomania. We write about ourselves, the things we like or don't like, clever musings to amuse others, and a host of other things that represent us. Then we post it for the world to see (or the ten people that actually read it).

Today I shed my narcissism to give a shout out to my good friend. Yesterday he had a momentous birthday and if we still lived in the same city I could participate in the obligatory "happy birthday" celebration. Those awkward events where all the attention is on the birthday boy or girl but is a required passage of age. So I will share my blog with him in hopes he gets that awkward feeling from a computer screen. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAHAM!

Thanks for all the great music to which I will be forever indebted.

(Okay, so this post was also a good excuse to post a picture of Ian, Graham, and I in our team uniforms from our Bumbershoot trip. We were missing Shar, who took this picture of us by the Columbia river. I have to say that although I was initially resistant to the coveralls, they ended up being a great idea. They kept me nice and cozy in the car).

H2 Oh @#&%

Water and I have had a turbulent relationship for many years which is not due to my lack of trying. I consistently put water above all other beverages. When dining out I almost always choose water which has nothing to do with being cheap. I just like water... but I am beginning to think the feeling isn't mutual. Almost on a weekly basis I am splashed all over while washing my hands... an embarrassing conundrum when I have to see clients with water splashes all over my pants and shirt. And anyone who has seen me drink water knows that it will likely spill on to my shirt at least 1 time out of 5. Just the other day I was driving to work and a litre of water almost spilled all over me. I was able to catch it in time and only received a healthy spray. I know some may blame me for our problems, saying "you're too clumsy or careless with water." But I try, I really do. I won't give up on water but it's time it took some of the responsibility for our problems!

a few of my favourite things

I thought I would recap the weekend by highlighting a few favourites. Let the fun begin!

MY FAVOURITE:

Quote: "Oh, you're from Calgary? We had some missionaries in this ward a few years ago from there. I can't remember their names now... were there any kids leaving from there in the last couple of years?" I politely smiled and said "there are quite a few LDS members in Calgary, we have seven stakes. So I'm not sure who they might be." I get the feeling that a lot of people may not know that Calgary has a population over a million and a large number of LDS folks. My ultimate favourite is when I'm asked "do you know so and so from Toronto?" That's like me asking a Utahn if they know my buddy from Boston. *sigh

Food: I went for Indian food Saturday night which was delicious. It was followed up by the movie New York Doll. This was a very fascinating film about Arthur "killer" Kane of the New York Dolls. You see the tragedy in his rise and fall but also the glimpse of redemption as he finds new hope in his life. It was also accompanied by a fantastic soundtrack.

Awkward conversation: Hands down was a party I attended Friday night. You can see the synopsis on Popscoff. It still makes me smile reliving it in my mind.

Article of clothing: Okay, this really has been a favourite since I scored them at the puma outlet in Boston back in September. But every time I wear these shoes I am in love. They are so comfortable, and snuggly hug my hard-to-fit-crazy-narrow feet (thanks again mom for passing on that gene). Absolute bliss.


Those are just a few of my favourite things. The weekend would have been a real hit if I could have also listened to Danielle sing this famous song from the Sound of Music, blasting out the wrong verse at the wrong time. Now that was funny!

What are your favourite's from your weekend?

a little laughter

I need to infuse some humour into my blog since my previous post was of a serious nature. Last night I laughed yet again at the antics of Rob Corddry on the Daily Show. When you get to the page, click on the video You Paid for it: What the pork?" This is well worth the time.

dying to be thin

I'm ashamed to admit that I've uttered such phrases as "I wish I was just a bit skinnier" or "my hips are just a bit too big." I sometimes even think "if I just worked out more regularly I could be a size 4." Fortunately I was blessed with good genes and have never had to battle weight issues, and I generally think I have a healthy self-image. However, this is an indicator to me that many women at some point in their life have been dissatisfied with their bodies. I'm not suggesting that men aren't ever concerned with their bodies, but I wonder if their concern is as frequent or serious as it is for women.

This was brought particularly to light when I watched a video presentation given by Jean Kilbourne entitled "Killing us Softly 3: Advertising's Image of Women." She discussed the media's portrayal of women today and throughout the years. I was discouraged that for a so-called enlightened society we are still being bombarded with advertising that objectifies women, promotes violence against women, and accepts pornography. I was startled at how subtle these images can be, yet it pervades our beliefs and attitudes at a subconscious level. Unfortunately this kind of advertising sells in our society, and therefore advertisers, both men and women, continue to put it out there. I think there are many ways this spills over to women's perceptions of themselves, one of which is body image.

The day after watching this video I randomly stumbled upon a website about anorexia. I hesitate to even bring attention to these kinds of sites, but I was completely surprised by it. At first I thought it was a tongue in cheek site, but I soon realized that these women were in support of anorexia. The site was plastered with pictures of very emaciated women. The women defined themselves as anorectics by choice, saying "Volitional, proactive anorexia is not a disease or a disorder. It is a lifestyle choice that begins and ends with a particular faculty human beings seem in drastically short supply of today: the will. Contrary to popular misconception, volitional anorectics possess the most iron-cored, indomitable wills of all. Our way is not that of the weak. Self-control has never been the way of the weak. To deliberately direct one's course of action apart from the impulses of raw instinct and desire requires discipline, inner strength, persistence, and focus." Yes, I will concede that anorexics have will... but not in a healthy, positive direction. The women stated that they "strive for perfection" and desire to see "bones." This is not a lifestyle choice, this is a disease. I find it discouraging and disheartening that there are women who struggle with eating disorders and believe that the way to true perfection is through starving their minds and bodies, literally wasting away. Our physical features are only one aspect of who we are, and if we become hyper-focused on how we look or how our clothes fit, we neglect our spiritual, relational, and intellectual selves. We are not whole when we only concern ourselves with the size of our waist.

I know that I can't change the world, but I can start by changing myself. I can start accepting myself for my limitations and my strengths. I can choose to not support companies that advertise in such a way that is demeaning to any person, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or religion.

I do want to link to a site that helps those struggling with eating disorders, and I hope we will all think a little more seriously about this issue and how it impacts our society.... because this is not healthy (warning: this image is disturbing).

end of soapbox.

Sunday's Top Five

Today I was reminded of five things:

1. Small hands (excluding children) creep me out
2. Small hands rubbing someone's back REALLY creeps me out
3. I'm still bugged by Utahns pronunciation of "heal" as it sounds like "hill" (as real sounds like rill etc)
4. Too much sugary sweetness when teaching Sunday school doesn't do it for me
5. I always enjoy a meal being made for me, especially if I get to play with a friend's baby afterwards

office space

This is my sad looking office...


This is my sad looking face...


My office truly needs an overhaul. I refuse to put the ugly picture up on the wall that is sitting on the floor. Each of my boys told me in their own special way that my office looked rather "bare." I told them it looked hideous. My goal for the weekend is to get something on the walls and my books on the shelf. If only I was lucky enough to have a room with a window. I think I have to get a few more therapists to quit before that happens. Being lowest on the totem pole also means I get the ugliest office.

The good news of the week is that I get to go climbing with my boys tomorrow as part of our group therapy.

stinky...

I sometimes find my pro-women thoughts and opinions could be perceived as sexism against men... but today one of my stereotypes about boys was confirmed.

I have often noticed and believed that boys/men's apartments and rooms seem to emanate odours that my nose isn't particularly fond of. I will say that not ALL of my male counterparts have this problem, but a lot of them do. Today I had my first group therapy session with the boys I am working with. The session took place on the boys unit, which is where they sleep and hang out when not in school or therapy. When I walked into the place I was overwhelmed by a smell that was akin to a stinky, dirty locker room. I wondered if the smell was going to stick to me after I left, and if I would be able to endure the stench for the next hour. Fortunately, or should I say unfortunately, my nose became accustomed to the stink. I seemed more concerned with getting these boys under control, as they were curious as to how far they could test the new therapist... (not far by the way).

Now, I've been on the girls campus and it does not smell unpleasant... not one inch of offensive odour. So I have to wonder why this is. Are men less hygienic than girls? Are they just plain smelly?

16 military wives

As I drove up to the Canada/USA border, I was listening to Sixteen Military Wives by the Decemberists. I found this amusing on several levels. On Monday, I join the American workforce. Yes, I have left my home and native land to join our neighbours to the south. The whole way to the border I fretted if they would actually let me in. So the line from the song "America can't say no" seemed to be a good omen to me. Plus, I had to laugh that I was about to enter the USA listening to a song that is clear expression of frustration of current events in America.

I had a long drive to think about my past, present and future. I came to three conclusions:

1. Dining in a small town cafe is fabulous. My dad and I stopped in at Jan's Cafe in Lima, MT to have lunch. I witnessed our waitress and a local woman get into a spat, ending with the waitress telling her "you don't have to come in here again." I saw three men come in with their camouflage gear on, clearly heeding the big sign outside that said "Hunters Welcome." This was rounded out by four cowboys sauntering in with their hankerchiefs, cowboy hats and spur's on their boots. Honestly, it couldn't have been a better representation of a small town in a state that seems to have more cows than people.

2. I'm leaving behind some fabulous friends in Calgary. The waterworks started before I even arrived at my going away party, but I managed to stave most of them off until guests started to depart. My closest friends have each been tremendous assets to me this year, each helping me in becoming and being the woman I desire to be.

3. I have the most giving family. I know without a doubt that any of my family members (in-laws included) would do all that they could to help me. I witnessed it this past week as I scrambled to leave Canada... not knowing if/when I'll be back. We are all so different, yet the Kelly loyalty runs deep. On one extreme is Ted. We differ on many accounts... for instance, he loves to hunt and go to gun shows, guns freak me out and I don't think I could ever purposely kill a living thing. Yet he would be there for me if I ever needed him, and he's always been so patient with me. On the other end is Danielle. We probably agree on too many things. She and Robb graciously opened up their home to me, and didn't even complain when I lost my house key! Glancing in my rearview mirror and seeing my dad driving his truck with all my belongings was a visceral reminder of how grateful and proud I am to be a part of this tremendous family.

I have many new adventures to begin as I make my fifth move in 10 years. This move has been the most thought-provoking for me. I suppose you could argue that moving to Provo, Utah would make any sane person stop and ponder. I do know that I felt good about pursuing this opportunity, but it was also one of the hardest things for me to do. I will truly miss the regular association with my family and friends back home, yet I am excited for the new possibilities that await me here.

so sports is our downfall

It hardly comes as a surprise that I would find myself reading a blog entitled "The Happy Feminist". I had stumbled upon it while reading another blog, and hadn't found it as interesting as I had hoped... until the author linked to an article about why women shouldn't play sports. She was obviously appalled by it, as was I. In fact, I was enraged. Danielle was perplexed as to why I let it get to me, citing that there are still plenty of backward thinkers out there. Upon further reflection I realized that although I had mild to moderate enraging moments, it had been a while since I was at my breaking point of "when will all the people in this world become enlightened?"

Read the ludicrous article for yourself. I should know that anything written on a webpage that is for "ladies against feminism" would irritate me. Below are the comments I posted on The Happy Feminist. I'm fully simmered down now, thanks.



Oh where to begin with this one?

"Christian women are often ill-prepared to be Biblically obedient wives and mothers." WHAT? Since when did sports make you ill prepared to be obedient? Most sports require one to take direction, extreme discipline etc. However, the most offensive is the requirement of women to be obedient. What century are we leaving in?

Point two: "The Bible talks about women developing a quiet and gentle spirit; I think sports fosters anything but that. They instead develop a competitive and contentious spirit that will cause them to have great difficulty in their marriages." Oh, but it is good for men to develop those qualities, as it will be such a "joy" for women to deal with competitive and contentious monsters in marriage.

Point three: "One of the reasons so many women today enter the armed forces (and workplace) is due to their participation in sports, which have helped prepare them for that endeavor." Really? I didn't know that. I thought women entered the workplace and armed forces because it was something that interested them. Who knew sports CAUSED that. I can't wait to read the research that this author so aptly forgot to mention that proves causation.

"It shouldn't be a secret that women's sports promote immodest attire." Those swimsuits they wear or the short shorts when playing soccer... *gasp. Forget the men wearing those teeny, tiny Speedos or going shirtless or even singlets in wrestling. No, no, when it comes to immodest attire, women win hands down.

If this author wants to continue in his sexist ways, at least he could use a bit more intelligence in arguing his point. For lack of a better word, he's an idiot.

writing in the mission field

On Tuesday I gave two presentations to the Alberta College of Social Workers. It was mostly just me rambling on about my master's thesis... surprising that people would actually pay to hear something so boring, but I digress. The conference was held at a local church in the community, which I'm assuming was a Christian denomination. As I was leaving the building, I noticed a large sign above the door that read "You are now entering the mission field." My first thought was "if only I had a camera." My second thought was "does the congregation get stoked when they read this or do they forget it's even there?" My third thought "hmmm, what would I want a big sign above my door to read?"

I definitely wouldn't want anything weighty... like reminding me to do the Lord's work... far too much pressure. Anything kitschy would just be irritating. I could be drawn to something really vain, like "wow, you're one hot tamale" (but that sort of mixes in the kitsch). While I continue to ponder the words to my fictional door sign, what words would you put on yours (and why)?

literature

I read quite a bit over the summer, but have found myself slowing down the last few months. My recommendations from my summer reading are The Alchemist, which was a fast and thoughtful read, Dress Your Family in Denim and Corduroy, an amusing collection of short stories, Blink, a fascinating read on our snap judgements and intuition, and Broken for You, a lovely fictional tale. Now I have two more books on my "to read" list. The first one is God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It. I think it will be an interesting read, even for a Canadian. I came across the second book while reading the New York Times. It's entitled Going Sane. It must be the therapist in me that's drawn to this one.

To other rabid readers, "must reads" are always welcome!

old school

I am choosing not to mention who this is a picture of, as I have not technically asked his permission. I remember when he, and another nameless boy, got their skateboards. They were determined to make me a "betty" but my enthusiasm died fairly quickly. I do find it interesting how different the skater image has changed over the years... but that's not really what this post is about.

I've noticed a disturbing trend over the last few years (although skating gained in popularity long ago). All my beloved childhood toys are now back on the market. You can get G.I. Joes, Transformers, My Little Pony, Cabbage Patch Dolls and even Care Bears. Old School is now New School. These little eight year olds have no idea that back in the 80s mothers fought at the toy store just to get that last Cabbage Patch Doll for their snotty nose child who would have a hissy fit if Santa didn't bring her that doll (editor's note: my mother wasn't one of said mothers, nor was I a snotty nose kid... my brother, well he literally had a snotty nose). Do they know how many children wept when Optimus Prime was killed by the evil leader of the Decepticons, Megatron? Do they even know what the Care Bear countdown is?

Sadly these children will not be able to fully enjoy their toys, as they do not have a full understanding of their history. It's a bloody shame.

this has got to be a joke

I can't take credit for finding this on my own... a friend posted it on a message board. Seriously, this cannot be legit, but it's good for a laugh.

I'd rather be single!

birthday bash

This post is rather dated as my birthday was over two weeks ago. However, I just received the pictures from Lisa yesterday, thus my justification in a belated retelling. We decided to have a camping excursion rather than the traditional birthday party that always feels slightly awkward. Not all my friends are the camping/hiking type, so the it was only Graham, Lisa and I that set out late on Friday the 16th. The moon was quite bright that night so we hiked sans headlamps, slightly wary of bears. We managed to have our camp set up around 1:30 a.m. and promptly jumped into our tents and went to sleep. It was so dark out that I was sure the flash from the camera did permanent damage to my retinas.
Lisa and I were sure we heard an animal of some sort near our tent in the early morning hours but were too cold to do any investigating. I woke early and went for a short jaunt by myself, enjoying the stillness of the morning and the mist on the lake.

In the morning Bryce joined us for our day hike. We came across a fabulous waterfall and we thought that if we continued hiking up the mountain we would finally hit the path. After an hour of some heavy bushwhacking we did not find the trail, nor was there hope we would. Lisa thought it would be a good idea to take a picture of me when I really thought I was stuck in the trees, she then snapped a photo of herself. I did manage to find a way out of my jam cursing the whole way. We eventually hiked out of the dense brush and hiked up some rock face. On the way down I slipped several times, but only ripped my pocket. A lumbering porcupine crossed my path, which was as exciting as the wildlife got that day.

In the eve of the 17th, the celebration was underway. MaryAnne, Ben, and Jane joined us and brought the hotdogs and smores. We were treated to a spectacle like no other from Mother Nature. The full moon rose from behind a mountain peak and we were all in awe. It was absolutely beautiful out there and it truly was one of the best gifts I could receive. Happy birthday to me!