brief hiatus

I won't be blogging for a bit, as I will be on a journey to my home and native land. The time has come for me to renew my work visa and come Tuesday, I'll find out if I have been granted another year to work in the USA.

Something to ponder in my absence is ATM's in churches. Yesterday NPR reported that pastors etc have decided that since most people just carry cards, ATM's will make donations easier for their congregation. The idea is mildly offensive to me, although there is nothing to say it's wrong. I believe that if someone is really committed to the continuation of their church they will make an effort to remember their cheque book or bring some cash. What's next? Credit card machines in the pews? One easy swipe and your conscience is clean for another week.

Best song of the week: Your Ex-Lover is Dead by the Stars. The vocals and cello are beautiful.

shop till you drop

Want to change your hairstyle without cutting your hair? Do you have unexpected thinning of your hair? Well, look no further as Toni Bratten has teamed up with the Home Shopping Network to sell you this. I stumbled across these gems while flipping channels on my t.v. Unfortunately I can't remember how to block channels so QVC and HSN get several seconds of my time when I'm trying to find something to watch. Sometimes I stop for several minutes, fascinated at the junk that is being hawked. On top of that, the announcers are irritating, the guests are silly and the models look stiff. I enjoy the bright lights on the fake jewels that make them shimmer as though it's a solar eclipse. However, the part I find most interesting is watching the sale counter go up and up on the side of the screen. Several hundred people will drop a good chunk of change on something this awful. In what part of the country is this worth 200 bucks? If you want something this ugly, go to your local dollar store and pick it up for pocket change. Seriously, who buys this crap?

dominoes

When I was younger, I thought that the only thing you did with dominoes was something like the video below. Granted I never had the patience or talent that this guy has. It's unfortunate that the lighting made it difficult to see all of it. However, it's still amazing.

keeping tabs

Injury count for the week: Two (or three if counting bruised ego)

1) Bruised and cut knuckle from glass shower door slamming it at full speed.
Curse words emitted: Three out loud, multiple inside head

2) Cut from a serrated knife on fleshy part of thumb.
Curse words emitted: Partial word that was not completely uttered due to mix company.

Goal for next week: Zero

do you remember the time?

I remember when I was a kid the feverish excitement of an upcoming birthday. The party would be planned, invitations given out, cakes chosen and a list of desired items. This year I practically forgot my birthday. My supervisor made an announcement in group supervision last week that two of the therapists had birthdays coming up and I had a brief wondering who they were. Thankfully my mouth didn't get ahead of my mind as I silently realized I was one of the lucky fools.

I entered my birthday weekend like any other. Since my birthday fell on a Sunday, I chose Saturday to be my token celebration. With much "excitement" I got up early to do some cardio and then yoga (ahem David). As I entered the garage, I discovered that my car also wanted to cash in on birthday gifts. Rather than politely asking for something, it passively aggressively made it clear by getting a flat tire. My workout was out the window and I headed off to Costco with my spare tire proving its worth. Several hundred dollars later my car got two sweet tires and drove happily away. Mother nature was the party pooper and showered rain/hail/snow so anything outdoor was out... such as hiking or the Indian festival at the Krishna temple. I thought I deserved to get myself a gift so I returned to Costco to buy myself a digital camera. In August I purchased myself a gift in Chicago but the realization that it was over a month ago gave me permission to call that a souvenir rather than a birthday present. Please note that my camera beautifully captures my purse that I designed myself. Well, I chose the fabrics which was so much fun.


Saturday ended with some good Thai food and an all-girl slumber party (that ended before midnight because we're "past our prime.") My friends got me some great gifts... a certificate to REI, an exercise ball and a painted picture from my uber-talented artsy friend. Also my family sang numerous versions of happy birthday, gave cookies, cash and a book. My birthday was like most other days except that I got to hear from close family and friends all in one day. The difference today is that I have to make a mental note that I am now 29. I don't miss the excitement of birthdays of yesteryear. I like the laid back style and the happiness I feel from the all the calls and cards. Thank you to those of you that made my day feel a little more special.

words, words, words

My friend finds one of my common phrases amusing. It's "good job" with something else... like "good job that board didn't hit you in the head." I never thought twice about it until she would laugh and mimic me. Recently when I was visiting my parents I heard my mom say "good job blah blah blah" and I realized it was either a family phrase or something that Canadians say.

I've noticed that people's word usage can either be endearing or aggravating. My tolerance is often dependent on my level of like or disdain. For instance, one of my less favourite co-worker's has a habit of using "deserve" in strange ways. She was talking with one of my clients and kept saying that he deserved to work towards attending an NA group. It seemed off to me, on top of her saying the word a half dozen times in five minutes. Then today I overheard her talking to another co-worker about applying for a part-time job. She said "I deserve to at least drop of an application." Say what? I'm beginning to question myself if it's just me or she is using it wrong. It's a good job that I don't have to be the word police. All I know for sure is that when she does say it, I cringe inside.

So phrases... what ones do you love, hate or are simply confusing?

the problem with forgetting

My friend gets ready for work at the gym pretty much every morning. Recently she was getting ready when a stranger asked to use her deodorant. She was taken off guard and said yes but later was really grossed out by it. I too found it rather odd. That's one of those moments when you suck up the four bucks and go buy yourself some rather than swiping your pit on to a random person's hygienic product. If it was your friend or family, perhaps the communal sharing would be okay.

Friday we did a spin class at a gym closer to work, so I opted to get ready at the gym. I did a mental checklist of what I would need and was quite proud of how quickly I packed. As I got my towel to shower I realized I had forgotten my shower sandals. I was completely skeeved out as I stood in the shower barefoot. Thankfully I have not seen any strange growths on my feet since. Then as I was getting ready I shuddered when I realized that I had not packed one of the most essential pieces to a woman's wardrobe. I put my sweaty grey sports bra back on and was grateful it did not show through my shirt. I was not too happy with the uni-boob look but a bra isn't something I can quickly run in to target to buy. Why couldn't I have just forgot my deodorant???

only the best

I've often wondered about the criteria used for places to claim they are the "best." There is a dive down my street that states it is the best Chinese food in town. There are plenty of great Mexican establishments but Chinese food is not this town's forte. So anything claiming to be the best Chinese food is something to be wary of. I had first thought it was the best merely because it was the only, however I found a half dozen other Chinese restaurants listed in my area. The last time I went to a restaurant that claimed to be the "best" was an Indian place in San Diego. After listening to the same techno song looped over and over, I decided that the food could be incredible (which it wasn't) and I still would have wished I was somewhere else. I asked the server if he found the music annoying but he said he didn't really listen to it anymore. Perhaps that is how workers at Gap et al feel with their repeated CDs. Workers may develop an ability to block it out but as a diner, I found it impossible.

So my little neighbourhood Chinese food may indeed be the "best Chinese food in town" but I'm not going to risk finding out.

beauty marks

I remember a friend telling me she loved her scars because it made her feel tough. My most recent scar makes me feel anything but. The morning I burned my forearm on my iron I was reminded of how clumsy I truly am. Actually, I think most of my scars showcase my gawkiness.

There are the knee and opposite elbow scars from my rollerblading fiasco. A little bit of advice for fellow bladers is to roll right over a snake on a path. Trying to avoid it only ends in a tangle of arms, legs, blades and gravel. After a stranger looks you in the eye to ensure you don't have a concussion, you get the pleasure of rollerblading to the car with blood dripping wounds. Living through the cleaning and healing process made me feel tough but the fall reminded me of my awkwardness.

While working at a flower shop I cut my knuckle with scissors. I received only three stitches but the bigger scar was the humiliation of freaking out in front of the customers as my blood dripped on to their pussy willows. I'm still confused as to how my knuckle got in the way.

The oldest scar that I can remember is the one I obtained at a girl's camp over 14 years ago. It was the worst camp ever as it rained non-stop. I think I kept my rain gear on from sunrise to sunset. The tents kept getting flooded and the weather didn't allow for much except whittling. The camp nurse felt very uncomfortable that we all had pocket knives. My 14 year old mind thought she was crazy as what could possibly happen with a measly Swiss army knife and wood? I found the answer during our first aid training. We were asked to put our knives away and I happened to put mine away on my thumb. I looked down at the deep gash and knew it wasn't something I could solve on my own. As the shock set in, my voice rose in panic. When the nurse figured out what was going on, she decided my real life wound would make a great demonstration. She set me in the middle of the circle and began to explain that deep cuts need pressure and elevation. After yelling at her to get me out of there, I was taken to a van, given butterfly stitches and a blanket to help with my shock. Several days later a chunk of skin fell off with a permanent reminder of my idiocy.

I have come to understand that many of people have scars due to unfortunate incidents, surgeries or sheer toughness. If only I could be so lucky... or careful.

adjectives

Occasionally I stop on cooking channels to drool over good food that I'll never make. I did attempt a chile chocolate soup from the Take Home Chef but using dried jalapenos instead of chiles was a bit of a spicy disaster. Perhaps one day my curiosity will get the best of me and I'll try it again, with the correct ingredients.

The difficulty I have with these shows is the use of gorgeous or beautiful to describe food. While I understand that "gorgeous" can imply magnificence, it's not a term I would use for my food. I might say "this tastes magnificent" but to say "this is gorgeous" sounds peculiar. It's as though the basic adjectives of our youth are no longer mature enough for our food. I still remember the stress involved in language art worksheets. Teacher's tortured us with writing down adjectives and adverbs. Was red an adjective when saying "a red car" and what the heck is an adverb again? I know it describes a verb but I can't even remember what a verb is. It's an action word... think action, think describing it... This is triggering grade school flashbacks so I must retreat from these horrific memories and go back to my present focus.

Why do culinary cuisines require such words? Kraft wouldn't even dare use beautiful to describe their cheesy masterpiece. Why then do cooking shows have to show off by refusing to use "spicy, yummy, or tasty" when referring to their dish that contains ingredients that regular supermarkets wouldn't carry. Thereby making it impossible or frustrating to attempt their divine creations.

Is it just me or are there pretentious adjectives floating around that also irk you?

when the moron is you...

We've all heard those stories that are much more amusing because they didn't happen to you. Well, yesterday I became the star of one such story.

It all began at about 12:30 p.m. I had just finished a late lunch, due to my cardio/yoga Saturday morning ritual. I was waiting to hop in the shower, as my friend had told me she would stop by while walking her dog to bring me the money she owed me from the Death Cab for Cutie concert. By the way, the put on a great show, as did Mates of State. The doorbell rang and we sat on my porch chatting away when a nasty wasp kept buzzing around me and the door. To avoid it entering my house, I shut the door. We chatted some more and then said our goodbyes. I turned to enter my house only to gasp in horror. I had locked myself out with my phone inside. The invention of cellular phones has created the inability for me to memorize phone numbers. With no way of knowing when my roommate would be home, and no way of breaking in, I resigned myself to finish walking with my friend and her dog. I went over to her house still in my sweaty work out clothes with a sunburn beginning to develop on my pale-ass shoulders and chest. I used her phone to call the only friend whose number I have memorized. After leaving several messages on both her and her husband's cell phone, I waited patiently. I walked back to my house to leave a note written on bright paper for my roommate. Upon my return to my friend's house, I was greeted with the news that my other friends were en route to break in. Apparently my friend's husband has a knack for that sort of thing, although he is an upstanding member of society.

I sat on my friend's porch and snoozed in the sun. They arrived much later than they had originally anticipated, drove me to my house, and within seconds (with the help of a Discover credit card), we were inside. Considering I have about three friends in Provo, no way to contact my roommate or landlord, and just the clothes on my back, a two and half hour wait to get in my house was pretty darn good. The moral of this story is that wasps not only sting, they can also make you lock your silly self out!

in the eye of the beholder

I had the privilege of going to the Art institute of Chicago and was awed by some of the beautiful pieces.

But then I saw this (my apologies for the quality):


and then this:


Although I am not a fan of most abstract art, there are times when I can see and appreciate the talent. However, I look at these pieces and believe that there are plenty of people who could replicate it. I am willing to admit that I do not have a full understanding of how and why some art makes it in to museums while others do not. Is there some talent that I cannot see? Do these "abstract" pieces make it in because the artist already has a good reputation in the art field? Please, someone, anyone, help me figure this out. *Sigh

Even though I don't like this either, it looks like it took some thought and talent.

Why, oh why, does abstract art continue to mock my confused mind?

hot or not

There was a time when my favourite "love to hate" heiress thought she should try her hand at a Donald by attempting to patent "that's hot". Thankfully, it was rejected, thereby saving us from the heaps of junk at Claire's Accessories proclaiming "that's hot."

You may wonder where this Paris diatribe is headed and I assure my readers that I am not as directionless as her. That may be a cruel jab, as she does take a lot of time to match her outfits, spends time in the studio recording and filming videos, and almost writes her own novel, but I stand by my statement. Okay, back to the point... sizzling under the summer sun, my thoughts are frequently turned to what is hot and what is not. Much like this very awkward website, it is clear that each person has a very different opinion of what is or isn't hot.

My loyal readers, I turn to you for the first of perhaps many polls. Only time will tell if it becomes a feature. The virgin Right of Way poll is related to transportation, not Ms. Hilton:

Women riding motorcycles: Hot or Not?
Men riding scooters: Hot or Not?

P.S. - If you still have a hankering for links after my prolific use of them in this post, check this site out. I stumbled upon it randomly and found it a more amusing take on internet polling.

via chicago

When embarking on a solo trip to Chicago you might want to have a few things to make the trip smoother.

1. Toothpaste: Fortunately for you careless packers (ahem), the Marriott hotel gives you complementary toothpaste.
2. Money: Parking in the downtown core is expensive. Do some investigating and you'll discover that there is underground parking that is half the price of all other places. Unfortunately, I found this bit of information on my last day. Also, unexpected toll booths pop up and it's rather embarrassing when you don't have cash on you. There is also a need for spending cash at the awesome stores.
3. Patience: When you're a driver, the pedestrians drive you crazy with their constant jaywalking and crossing against the light. However, once rolls are reversed, you join in the bad walking behavior.
4. Sense of Direction: When you finish watching the amusing musical, Wicked, you might want to ensure you go the right direction down Michigan Avenue. It doesn't feel like such a magnificent mile when your error is discovered and it is so busy on the streets that hailing a taxi is near impossible. MOM CLOSE YOUR EYES. She told me to be safe and I don't want her to know I was walking alone at 11 p.m. MOM YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES AGAIN. Interestingly enough, there were so many people out that I felt totally safe... the only problem was sore and tired feet from the extra mile I ended up walking.

Oh, and don't forget to get a chocolate molten lava cake at the Grand Lux Cafe. Delicious.

against all odds

Population of Provo: 105, 166
Population of Provo between the ages of 25-34: 17, 345
Popularity of Cafe Rio: High
Odds of running in to an ex-boyfriend at Cafe Rio in Provo: In my friend's case, the odds are 100% that you will.

This wasn't any ex. He was a class act... one of those guys that starts dating another girl before he breaks up with his current one. She discovered this bit of information when she happened to go to a large church function that had thousands of people and coincidentally bumped in to him while he was holding his new girlfriend's hand trying to navigate her through the crowd. Naturally their breakup occurred that same night. See? Class act. Back to the present when we see him come in to Cafe Rio. He walks past us to a woman that is separated by one other person in front of us. The woman was the girl from the night long ago and she is now his wife and they have a baby. Although my friend is now much relieved for the demise of the relationship, we mull over leaving but decide the one person buffer may help avoid an awkward interaction. Within several minutes, our buffer exits and we are right beside them. At this point the best way forward is to talk to him but he makes enormous amounts of effort to pretend he does not see her standing mere inches away from him. The solution? She stares weirdly until he looks over. What proceeds is a fake nice conversation by all and the pretend "Oh I didn't see you. How are you doing? It's so good to see you." A perfect moment to laugh over during a perfect meal.

Ah Provo, your odds endlessly entertain me.

platform blues

I would like to start this post by stating that I do not always have the perfect shoes for each of my work outfits. I have been searching all summer for dark brown, open toe shoes that fit my annoyingly narrow feet. So, occasionally I have to wear a tan colour shoe that doesn't always work with my brown slacks.

However, the other day I saw a co-worker in cute black slacks with white platform flip flops. I hate platform flip flops and I also hate dirty white platform flip flops. The next day I saw her in a black skirt, black shirt and the dirty white platform flip flops. The platform sandal rarely looks good on anyone. It makes your calves look bigger and you're not fooling anyone with those extra inches. If you want height, go for cute heels. Also, the flip flop should be reserved for casual wear not work. Lastly, it's just not fashionable to wear white shoes with an all black ensemble. Red heels? Sure. White embellishments on your shirt or pant with white shoes? Possible. But the white platform flip flop rarely works with anything and just looks silly. (As a side note, the picture above was featured on a site for bridal shoes. If I ever see something resembling that on a bride, I'll shudder.)

family tree

I wasn't sure I wanted to write this post as I've struggled to articulate my experience back home. I have been back in Utah for 24 hours and actually made it through work on little sleep.

I loved being home with my family and seeing the new additions. I didn't do much of anything except laugh at all the funny things that my nieces and nephews said/did. Calgary has changed so much since I left. It's only been nine months but housing prices have skyrocketed and traffic seems to be worse. I was glad that I rarely ventured further than the south bubble of the city. It was no longer the city I always thought so fondly of.

I feel like a hobo (sans the penniless). Provo doesn't feel like home but neither does Calgary. My family is where my heart is but it could be in any city and that is all that would matter. The vacation gave me time for much introspection. Time moves forward and people move on. We get busy with the day to day aspects of life and things that seemed to matter so much before can seem trivial months later. Sometimes timing is everything...

somewhere over the rainbow

I have noticed a disturbing trend in my closet... a substantial amount of stretch t's from the GAP. It started out innocently enough. I would see a cute colour for a reasonable price and pick it up. I added the light pink t-shirt last week when it was on sale for $4. It was a killer deal for a good quality, basic shirt. However, now that I own almost every colour, I feel rather silly. Am I losing my style? Have I become a boring dresser? Am I too cheap to care? Am I the only one that has fallen prey to the multiple clothing item in different shades?

At least I know my style at work is holding strong. A new coworker commented that I am the best dressed female at work. He also noted that he knew I would be cool because of my glasses. As a side note, he also said he could tell the kind of music I listened to because of my eyewear. I don't necessarily buy in to judgments of personality or tastes based on accessories but I'll take compliments where I can get them.

As for the blog, it will likely be on a brief hiatus while I refill my family tank in Calgary. Perhaps this holiday will bring back some of my creativity that has been sorely lacking.

a movie script ending

Was it Star Wars that first brought us the idea that movies could also double as Hallowe'en? Although not socially acceptable, I tolerated the Luke's, Leia's and Vader's at the theatre. Afterall, they were the more awkward folks of society so entranced by the trilogy that they could not help dressing as their fictional favourites.

However, over the years I have started to notice a disturbing trend in movie watchers. Harry Potter openings were full of wizard and witches floating about the popcorn stand. It was usually limited to younger kids, so I shrugged it off. Then a few weeks back I was waiting for friends to arrive at the movies when I saw a few people walk up in capes and masks. I was confused as to why these wrestlers were walking in to the theatre when it dawned on me that Nacho Libre was opening up. This horror was soon forgotten until Friday night. I was at the movies with free tickets to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean (long and overrated) when I was suddenly surrounded by pirates.

I still cannot understand this dressing up business. Rather than free candy, you pay exorbitant amounts of money for snacks. Sitting for several hours wearing hot robes or ridiculous attire is completely unappealing to me. So please, leave the costumes for that spooktacular time of year when you get to dress like a fool, beg for candy and smash pumpkins.

crazy

I was in Small Town, USA over the weekend where I learned something new at church. A woman was discussing various things that have been upsetting to her, one of which was an article she read in Snowflake, Arizona's local paper. I don't have the energy to find the article but this link or this one gives you the gist.

What? Does she seriously think that there is a secret movement to make one country in North America? I kept waiting for her to say it was a prank but then she talked about her pregnant friend diagnosed with cancer and that all of these things were weighing heavily on her... requiring her to pray to God for strength. It was all I could do to contain my laughter. This poor woman was all worried about Mexicans and Canadians combining with Americans to create one super country. I thought about spinning it in to a positive comment about us coming together as one people under God but decided I couldn't say it with a straight face. I'm just a stranger that sees the comedy not the tragedy in the article. Finding the links were especially amusing because any site that advertises Ann Coulter's new book is not one I'd spend too much emotional energy on.

What I need now is your stories of something so ridiculous but was strongly believed by someone else.