I've always pondered how one gets to the point that they really know that the person they are with is the person they want to marry. I have had thoughts of marriage in prior relationships but it was always coupled with an equal or greater amount of doubt. People can explain the process but it cannot be fully comprehended until you are experiencing it yourself. No amount of studying or training can give you the vicarious feeling. I suppose this topic has been on my mind recently due to three wedding invites, as well as a good friend calling me this week to tell me he was engaged. What I found fascinating about our discussion was how ecstatic he was. I usually hear this from my girlfriends but it was a first to hear it from a guy friend. Their dating was easy, the decision was a no-brainer and he was excited... which got me excited. He still did not know how it all happened but that it did happen. (He didn't help much in the department of "figuring out how one takes the next step" but he's in love so he gets a pass.)
I know that people go in to marriage with all sorts of dating experiences. Some of the happiest marriages had rocky dating moments and some of the happiest dating led to a less than thrilling marriage. I heard the latter scenario many times when I did marital counseling. However, listening to my friend and seeing him when I was home made me hopeful for a future dating experience like his. It would seem much easier to enter marriage fully enamored and with a solid knowing. I'm done with wishy washy and conflicted feelings from the other. I want a man that knows what he wants... which is me. (If any of you have found this man, please have him contact me directly. Ha!) I find the thought of marriage frightening enough, so the last thing I want to do is spend months on end dating someone who is constantly unsure. Perhaps I'm unrealistic but while I'm still single I'm going to dream for my ideal.
So B, if you're reading this, congratulations and thanks for reminding me that it feels so good to feel mushy. It's easy to dream of adoration when the leaves are beautiful and the air is crisp. I hope to post some pictures soon that show why I love this season so much.
Christmas in Canada
7 years ago
5 comments:
I agree that it is something you have to experience and no amount of studying can help with, but at the same time making sure that your expectations aren't through the roof. I also believe that it is only natural and OK to have doubts, anyone who says they didn't isn't being honest with themselves. When dating and even some of the engagement you may not be 100% positive , I think that that assurance only comes in retrospect and after years of marriage.
There is a large leap of faith involved and that is kind of scary considering what is at stake.
Just know that it is possible. Never give up, never surrender :-).
i don't mean to imply that you won't have doubts but i the nagging doubts that last are what concern me. fleeing, quick doubts are normal. i still think that there is a MAJOR difference between being unsure (what i think of as wishy washy) and having normal passing questions.
aisy, i think that it'll be a lot easier for you to find 'the man' if you always spray candle wax "accidentally" all over yourself. then, you just have to look for the dude who either has wax all over his sport coat or can't take his eyes off of the wax all over you.
i'm just saying, it could work.
and ryan, dude, were you just quoting galaxy quest while giving advice? because if you were, i gotta say, touche. too-bleeping-shay. for serious. that totally ruled.
I have to think I'm one of the wishy washy ones. I have a good idea of what I want, but discover only too quickly that there's something in that ladyfriend I don't want, and I leave that flower for another. As such, my doubts override my romantic intentions. But, all of that aside, this is pretty much the only time in my career of dating that I've wanted to get married. I sort of wish I could just set up a trap door somewhere and allow her to fall into my arms, rather than having to talk her into it. That might be easier. Hmm, yeah. I'm a mess.
I'll help you look for yours if you send any potential future Missus Moodys my direction. Do we have a deal?
deal... but only if you don't get wishy washy on her. ha ha.
ryan, perhaps what i've been looking for has been wrong all along. i need to start looking for wax covered men, that aren't replicas in museums.
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