As we know, things can happen when you fly. I've always been such a carefree flyer with little distraction but the last two times I have sat beside less than desirable plane partners. The first experience involved a married man that was just a little too sweet. He failed to recognize that the unwanted touching was not being reciprocated. Then yesterday I sat beside a young man coming back from a ministry in Los Angeles. I found this out within five minutes of sitting down beside him. Oh crap... I think he's going to want to talk to me. He asked if I could spare him a few minutes to talk and in my attempt to be nice I stated "Okay, just a few as I do want to read my book." I knew in the back of my mind that a few minutes would become the whole flight and kicked myself for not being completely honest. No, I really don't want to get in to a conversation. My book and music are more appealing, but thank you for asking. I'm going to kill Kris for checking out and putting on her headphones. That's the last time she gets the aisle seat. I was completely uninterested in the discussion as I knew he wouldn't convert me to his religion and he certainly had no interest in mine. His approach was totally off-putting. It revolved around guilt, fire and brimstone and humans inherent "badness." He wasn't too pleased when my response to "how was that for you" was "I don't really appreciate approaches that put me on the defence or attempt to make me feel guilty. I think preaching the positive aspects of spirituality get you further." He wanted to belabor his point of why it works but I was done. I ended it as politely as possible just as the plane hit the ground... longingly looking at Vinny and The Time Traveler's Wife.
I was trapped with no way out, he could not read my non-verbal cues (or chose to ignore them), his breath stunk, it was a wasted conversation and I was frustrated because I didn't just say no!
Are planes breeding grounds for getting trapped? Are there better places to trap someone? Have you been trapped or gotten out of one? I'm beginning to think me and planes might not mix.
Christmas Festivities
8 years ago
19 comments:
and knowing is half the battle.
just one little word that you should know, aisy. BOUNDARIES.
feel free to say no thanks. or start your stop watch when someone says a few. keep'em honest.
another place to get trapped: parties. i hate it.
You should have just told him you were Mormon. That usually helps JWs that I've sat next to in planes not want to talk about religion.
But I know what you mean. The last couple times we've flown (my wife and I) we've sat next to nice somewhat silent polite people. I think it also helps when you are sitting next to someone that you know and can talk to for back up.
I did tell him I was mormon. It didn't help. He just said he wish he had come more prepared (i.e. more proof of why we are wrong and he is right). argh!
MF, I work so damn hard with boundaries at work that I forget in my personal life. Ha ha. J/K. Oooh, the bad party sucks especially when you didn't take your own car.
Eyun, I'm using that trick next time. Thanks.
I don't contribute much here, but I can say that I am a master of the brush-off. It includes avoiding eye contact, keeping your answers to one word or less, not smiling, and resisting temptation to get involved in debate even though they are saying the most ridiculous things. Staring longingly at your book or even opening it and starting your page can work, and there's always the bathroom that you can run away to to give you a break in the convo. I also like to pretend that I can barely hear people, or that I am distracted thinking about something weighty and important so they have to repeat themselves all the time and end up getting frustrated. Man, I'm a jerk!
You could always try a phrase I have unfortunately used on a friend "I'm sorry, I stopped listening to you 5 minutes ago". It is very effective on getting the person to stop talking.
for a sec I thought this said, "humans inherent "badassness."
now that would've been cool, because guilting someone? Lame.
if it makes you feel better when i was coming home from my "ministry" i didn't want to talk to anyone (had given away all of my nametags so no one would recognize me, grew sideburns for two weeks before said trip), but was accosted by a nice couple who wanted to save me. i tried to tune them out by pretending that i was watching the in flight movie "notting hill" but i think they knew something was up since my headphones didn't look like everyone else's.
then i farted really loud. and they stopped talking to me.
i used to pick up hitchhikers on the way from portland to corvallis or salem. if they got weird, i'd start making random quotes about jesus.
if that didn't work. i'd fart really loud. it's not necessarily "socially acceptable" but it works.
also, i think that saying "i already know i'm going to hell, thanks," helps.
p.s. i hate to fly. it makes me gassy, obviously.
jane, the brush up is such a valuable skill. you rock my brush off world. i'll keep practicing.
sara, i love that phrase. i wonder how that would go over in therapy with my clients. i think it might get some of them off their lying butts! ha ha.
badassessness is cool. and ryan, that farting is so seriously sick, sick and funny. you are that punk rock.
all i have to offer you are my sincere condolences, that sounds like one crappy flight.
Ryan i´m going to have to remember the farting next time I fly.
so the time traveler's wife, eh? how you likin' it?
A confession: I have trapped people. During my mission, when it was rainy or really cold or after about 8:30pm, we would bus contact. Just get on the bus, sit apart, and then wait for someone to sit next to you. Start simply, a question about a pronunciation, that always leads to them asking why you are in their country. We all know where it goes from there...Dun dun dun...
The last time I flew, I listened to my iPod in the airport so when I walked on the plane I had it in my ears. Yes I had to turn it off while the plane was taking off but it had set a precedent of not talking to the person next to me. Seemed to help.
I have only done it a few times but I've always appreciated the Seinfeld sign language approach. After ignoring them for so long you just point to your ears and shake your head; they assume you're deaf. The only problem is when you accidentally forget and speak directly to them; then you're up the creek.
Luckily, I blew the charade after landing while getting off the plane. I wasn't thinking and made a sarcastic remark to my inebriated neighbor's comment. Part of me was watching him, wondering if he would catch on and the other laughing hysterically. (It still brings a smile to my face when I think of the guy's face; puzzlement then to shock...hee, good stuff.)
Though, I do think farting is probably the most effective; low maintance (hopefully), broad range...yeah, I would have to say nothing is more efficient.
oh aislinn, my heart goes out to you. that is such a crappy experience. especially when all you want to do, and what you've been looking forward to doing is enjoy a little self indulgence, and then you have to feign interest all for the sake of "courtesy."
this reminds me of a post on my blog about grievances at the expense of others trespasses. my sister commissioned me to stop being a silent martyr, and to speak up when some one is driving you nuts.
i know in retrospect it sounds like the wiser path. i'm honestly shocked that the mormon thing didn't sour him.
i wish i could've seen you turn on your ipod in mid sentence as you exclaimed "i'm sorry i'm not interested in having this discussion further."
re: i never liked it. i felt it was unfair and manipulative. i didn't do contacting on the bus. just street and home. that way they can walk away, or shut the door. which they did, liberally.
elisabeth, i'm not far enough in to it but am intrigued so far. i would have had a better grasp if i was sans missionary man.
ansley, ouch! being a missionary scared me spitless... that was one of the reasons (street contacting), the other was spending 24/7 with someone. perhaps why i'm still single! ha.
rebus, i think i need to learn some more sign language for my next flight.
i remember that post david. it's a slow process at times. but lashley's advice was spot on.
Ooh, sign language is a good option, but then how do you explain the iPod headphones?
I loved Time Traveler's Wife. I just bought my cousin a copy.
dangit. there goes that idea
You could pull a 10 yr old move and just stare at the person when they are talking to you--all with this look of disdain and contempt. Then when he leaves you an option to say something you continue the glare.
Not really what a care-bear would do, but you aren't looking for sunshine and rainbows.
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