4.26.2006

what i'm looking for

Today I had my very first date since moving back to Utah. I've heard that there are a plethora of eligible young men in my vicinity eager to date, apparently not to date me. My bad luck could be due to spending most of my time with married folks with little single networking or perhaps I am just a hideous beast. I'd like to believe it's the former but only time will tell.

Anyway, to fully appreciate my situation I think it is time to come out of the closet to my readers. No, I'm not an expletive dyke, as a client called me today, I'm a (gasp) online dater. Last year I joined LDSLinkup. It's really like marijuana of the online dating world. You get coaxed in to it by the sell that "It's a networking site. Married people are on it too. You don't have to use it to date." I've not only heard this but I've said it in a vain attempt to feel better about my choice. However, I believe that all single people, and perhaps some not so single people, have perused that site looking for a potential date. I have to admit that two good things have come out of it... Ange and David. After some time being on the link, I decided to start phasing myself out of it. I was on the verge of pulling my profile when my married friends came up with a "bright" idea. They not only thought I should stay on it but I should take the online thing further. Their stance was that this form of dating had become more and more accepted. They believed that plenty of normal people were on such sites and that if they were single it would be the way to go. My "favourite" thing about married people is that they can say what they would do if they were single but with an automatic by because they're currently attached. My true favourite thing about my friends is that they always have my best interest at heart. So, as time wore on I started to open my mind. Suddenly that heroine didn't seem so dangerous. What harm could it really do? I acquiesced and signed on to a dating site for one month.

The first "flirt" I received was from a 55 year old man. If I thought it appealing to date my dad, he might have stood a chance. I brushed it off and pushed on. I still wasn't really in to it but saw first hand success with friends. After a few emails from one young fellow, I finally caved and gave my number. I wasn't too stoked but again, I was working on my closed mindedness. The phone call was slightly awkward but I wondered if I was just trying to find something wrong. Apparently I'm picky which is confusing to me, as it's hard to be picky when there's nothing to choose from! Going back to the date... the first red flag was when the date revolved around just a movie. The second red flag was that it was at the dollar theatre. The third red flag was telling me I was cute. I typically take this as a compliment but when you've never met in person and have only talked for mere minutes, it makes for a most uncomfortable moment. I decided we needed to change the location. Dinner and movie is fine but just a movie is the most ridiculous way to get to know someone. The location was changed to Jamba Juices. I was tied up at work and at 5 minutes past the hour, he called to see if I was on my way. I thought I had at least a 10 minute window to be late but maybe he was just anxious. {For the record, I hate being late}

As we stood in line to get juice, I pondered how I got myself in to this. I'm working on being a nicer person (plus I was admonished by my father) and my blog is more to mock myself, so I won't go in to all the gory details. Bottom line is that it was awkward, I wasn't always sure how much he was listening and well, he had warts on his hand. He was nice but I have some ideas regarding social hierarchies. Theoretically I am appalled by such a thought, but realistically, we are in different castes. He asked if we could go out again and my instinct was to do the "um, well, okay" and never return his call. However, after the ministry airplane ride, I decided to buck up. I gently told him that I didn't think we had much in common and were in different places in our lives. The honesty felt good, the look in his eyes felt bad. This was my first taste with the hard drugs and I'm starting to think I need to quit all of them... even pot. Perhaps I need to give meth a try or even ecstasy but I think I may be a drug-free kind of kid.

I'm not judging online dating. I know a handful of people that have had success with it. I'm just not convinced I will be one of them. I can't fully embrace the idea and thus it clouds my experiences. As I close this post, my embarrassment dwindles. So few secrets left for my blog... Sometimes coming out of the closet is the best way to truly accept oneself. {Holds breath as she hits Publish Post}

19 comments:

MF said...

I could tell you about some good experiences I had with online dating, but that would just be confusing I think.

However, I do know 3 people who have been married as a result of ldslinkup and eharmony.com. Weird, but true.

I'm empowered by your honesty, though, with that boy. Way to go, Aisy.

mskaz said...

SOMEONE NORMAL PLEASE CONTACT MY SISTER FOR A DATE. Or, if you know someone normal, hook her up already. She's cute and funny and has a great family. (Heh).

Thank you and good day.

Sara said...

My brother met his wife on a dating service and they are having their first child.

I was chatting with several active online daters a while ago and they all spoke of initial experiences like you had. However, they all found it got easier and made them more open to just meeting people in random places. One guy even said he had recently asked a girl out for drinks after a couple minute elevator ride (and she actually said yes).

Ryan Remains said...

Nice work, fellow blogger friend.

One time I asked a girl on a date (she was from Switzerland and my same height, so it may have a momentary lapse of reason) and she said yes.

However, when I called her to confirm about the hike (which was kind of a group thing, well, a group thing consisting of 3 or 4 other people, but not couples) she asked me if she could bring her boyfriend.

I said of course.

Awkwardness rules!

Anonymous said...

Ais, good luck with the dating thing, I would have to say that the warts would be seriously NASTY! I have man here in Boston ready to marry you if you want.... Although, he has also committed himself to me, and his sister, and is kind of short, but shows promise for future height......

Ryan said...

I agree about what married people say they would do if they were single. I have been guilty of trying to get my single friends to branch out through the internet.

I've had a lot of awkward moments through internet dating and not a lot of good ones so I feel your pain. I don’t envy your position.

Now for my single friends in Utah I say hang out in the BYU library in the periodicals section. It worked for me, and I highly recommend it.

Joy said...

I'm actually skeptical of the online dating thing for me. I've done it, but even though I'm a resident over on Link-up (oh that mess), I'm still skeptical, even though it seems to work. there's quite a few people who are married now who met on there. People who don't spend much time on the site.

aisy said...

that's just it... i realize it works for some but i think the key is that you buy in to it. i just haven't yet... and not sure i will.

oh, and i really am not desperate but appreciate my sister's plea. ha!

David said...

aislinn, bless your heart. and well done on being honest.

linkup spawned romances are sketchy, as everything is done backwards. i think the best approach is to use it as friends, and then if it turns out that you both want to make out with each other... well then now you are on to something.

you are the wind beneath my wings

elisabeth said...

my one and only internet dating experience:
talked on the phone, arranged to meet at the local video store, he brought his brother, i brought my two-year old son. He had been in a coma from a car accident recently that must have left him slightly brain-damaged. He looked twelve years old, listened to rap, and said "peace" a lot. Needless to say, he wasn't for me. I had my doubts about him after the first phone call.

Anonymous said...

Aislinn, please don't ever online date again. I got creeped out just reading that entry. It reminded me of when I had to delete my linkup account because of the weirdness I felt knowing that strangers could see me. I have faith that you and I will someday meet a real person in person. But hopefully not the same guy, cause that could be awkward. Especially if we happened to be wearing matching t-shirts that day.

MF said...

apparently jane forgets that going outside makes it so complete strangers could see her. unless she is an agoraphobe, in which case, I apologize and feel for her.
however, you going on a date with somebody who has an ever-decreasing social circle is not the world coming to an end. I, too, hope that you get to meet a good guy. but, as it has been said earlier, there are normal people on there. you just got to keep flipping your cards over until you find the ace. it doesn't matter how the cards get into your hand. and, there is bound to be a few jokers in the deck, eh.
first, I want to say that the metaphor just kind of came out. I know it's lame, but deal with it. second, i think you are a champ for throwing a kid a bone. it probably took that kid all he could muster (or perhaps he has no social filter and doesn't have any trouble asking girls out). either way, you flipped another card over.

David said...

first, I want to say that the metaphor just kind of came out. I know it's lame, but deal with it.

brilliant.

aisy said...

jane, when are we making those shirts??? i guess the odds that we'll meet different people is high, seeing as we're in different countries.

and in jane's defense, i think she was talking about strangers getting to look you up and know more about you then a stranger you'd see in a street.

and, well, i think i'm done with the online thing. i'm sure there are normal people on there but right now i'm actually pretty content with my situation. it's one of those phases of "i'm totally cool with being single." luckily i cycle through phases which will eventually lead to dating. ha ha.

MF said...

I've decided that with my MFT degree, I'm going to market myself like Hitch.
That would be great.
Mormon Hitch.
That almost begs for a dot com after it.
scary.

Tiffany said...

I have to admit that I have been guilty of pressuring my single sister/friends into the online dating world.

I guess I don't understand the whole stigma associated with it. As long as the website is just used as an avenue to get to know someone new in your area and not used as an online courtship, big deal. I do think it is weird when people get married after just having met eachother once or twice in person. It is easy to present a good picture of one's self through email.

Also, I applaud your honesty with your date. I never was good at telling guys I wasn't interested. I wish I would have learned that lesson earlier in life.

Dainon. said...

Online dating is still dating. I do it, simply because, well, what are my options? Date girls in the ward? Nope. Been there, suffered through that. Date girls in the ward on the sly? Nah. The repercussions of that don't feel so good, either. Oh! Dating girls you work with! So, when you inevitably end things, you still have to see them every day. That aside, we have, hm, bars, silly dances and, oh yeah, online stuff. Me, I choose convenience. Then again, perhaps it's a reason I still proudly claim I'm single and mostly worry-free.

Sorry it didn't work out for ye.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm not an angoraphope. I love those soft sweaters!

aisy said...

i'm glad to hear that it works out for some. dainon... i'd be curious as to know what service you are using, but maybe i'll just email you.