I remember a little poem my father taught me as a child
Little birdie in the sky, dropped a doo-doo in my eye. Me big girl, me don't cry, me just glad that cows don't fly.
Exiting the gym after my early morning workout last week, I saw not one, not two, not even three bird shats on my car. It was a machine gun hit from the front all the way to the rear of my car. My friends had parked on either side of me and their cars were sparkling clean. Grumbling and sweaty, I attempted to get the white turds off my windshield using my wiper blades only to discover I was out of washer fluid. Smeared crap blurred my view until I could successfully clean it off. I swear I get hit more because my car is silver. I have been unsuccessful finding proof but it never fails that it is my car. Stupid birds.
I'm a forgiving lass though. Yesterday I came to the rescue of a hummingbird stuck in my friend's window. We managed to get the little thing back in to the open air, free as only a bird can be.
15 comments:
Hey, my dad taught me a version of that same poem.
I love stories about poop. Thanks.
what was your dad's version ruby g?
glad i could fill your bag of poop stories ryan
About a week after I had our outside windows washed, a bird left a rather large calling card on the highest window on our house. I was not impressed.
Ryan, if you enjoy poop stories, you should have kids asap. You could probably get a good poop story every day. From diaper disasters to potty training to potty talk. If you want, I can send my kids to you for a week or so.
mskaz and eyun, i feel your pain. i have yet to actually be hit by one... when that day comes there may be a dead bird nearby.
I've been told by some Californians that it's good luck to be shat on by a bird, be it a seagull or otherwise. And, while it's never happened to me, you gotta love it when you see it happen to a friend of yours. Plenty of funny there.
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Dainon beat me to it, but I too have heard it is good luck. I however, have been on the receiving end of this "luck." You don't feel so lucky in the moment. I don't keep a journal so I don't remember if anything especially lucky happened afterwards.
I'll take any kids I can get mskaz. Actually, that sounded weird and by weird I mean a little bit creepy.
My pal Whorehouse Lucky Nick thinks I should get my fiance pregnant and have a kid out of wedlock to fix future family problems with her Orthodox Priest father. I don't think it'll work, but I like the idea of having a new poop story every single day.
I hope that wasn't offensive to anyone. I blame WLN if it was.
You should totally do it. Just explain to your soon to be father in law that you could't wait for daily poop stories!
I'll give you a brief sampling:
- as a baby, our 5 year old had a way with blowing out of her diapers. A few times it was so violent it was all the way up her back and into her hair.
- same one was older and was in her room crying, I ran in and she held out her hand and said, "something yucky on my hand" and I couldn't see it as it was dark, so I sniffed it. Kid was diaper diving.
- same one again was running around in the backyard and slid in dog poop and landed in more dog poop. She didn't like that so much.
- recently the same one was very angry and was trying to think of mean things to say to me and having not yet learned to say "b*tch", etc., she told me she was going to poop on me.
See, it's all awesome! And that's only one of my kids and there are more stories.
This is somewhat related, but yesterday the youngest one was fouling up the air until we convinced her to hit the bathroom. So after she came out and said, "hey Dad, come smell my bum, it's not stinky anymore!" So aside from poop stories, you also get gas stories. Endless supply of entertainment.
I won't even get started on the "bagina" stories. Good times.
those silly birds. when they gotta poop, they gotta poop, regardless of the victims below.
hehe...which reminds me of this time i was on the swings at the indoor amusement park in west edmonton mall. i was feeling pretty woozy and there seemed to be no end to the ride. i tried to hold it in, i swear! anyway i barfed and i kept my eyes closed for a while and didn't dare look down to see who i sprayed but it was pretty crowded so i must have sprayed at least a couple people. whoever those people are, i'm sorry! but, when you gotta barf, you gotta barf. i hope no one's eating spaghetti while they are reading this...
good call old jack. and why is it always white?
dainon, that just further confirms my beliefs that californians are strange.
mskaz, thank you for saving the "bagina" stories. i do have some amusing ones straight from your daughter's mouth. oh and ryan, i am so offended. ha ha. wln has quite the humour.
um, elisabeth that was is super awful... for you and the folks below. i'm surprised it didn't start a barf-o-rama (like in stand by me).
Who is this mskaz? She has me laughing way too hard this early in the morning. I want my own walking, pooping, farting gaseous kid to laugh at, too. Wait. Maybe I don't.
mskaz is my eldest sister... remember her? she wasn't around too much during your calgary stint.
mskaz, your poop stories rule!
with four younger sisters, i think i have an idea about the "bagina" stories, but you should totally bring them on.
aisy, blessed are the offended for they shall inherit, oh, i forgot, it's been awhile, ok?
that would be MEEK ryan. and trust me, the bagina stories aren't so meek so best not to be published in cyberspace. (although mskaz, you really should consider telling the halloween costume story).
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