Huggers and touchers and sweeties, oh my! I really, really like hugs but I really, really dislike hugging people I'm not close to. Take for instance the person you barely met that gives you a hug and then embraces you again when you leave. This person can be the same sex or the opposite sex. It doesn't matter, they hug without discretion. I currently have one of those in my life. She is really kind and she's Canadian, so I don't quite have the heart to tell her to back off the hugging.
Then there was a luncheon last week with a constant toucher. The chap may have been trying to get some of his physical needs met by constantly touching me but I didn't think it was near as entertaining as he. There are also those folks that find pushing you over or slamming in to your back amusing. Guess my co-worker missed the memo. Note to all employees: Non-reciprocal pushing and shoving is not appropriate in the workforce (nor outside of it). It is not entertaining and Aisy wants it to stop.
Tonight while shopping a nice clerk boosted my self-esteem by letting me know I was a sweetie. Although I don't think I've seen her before, we must be close because she called me hon several times. Well, sweeties, I'm off camping for a night for work, so hons, I'll check back later. Have a good night sweeties.
Christmas in Canada
7 years ago
13 comments:
i worked at fema with a constant toucher. everytime she would get up from her desk she would pat me on the back or the shoulder. when we were talking she'd grab my arm, and when we were kis...
no but seriously, it really made me uncomfortable because it was completley unsolicited. but it's a total double standard, because i'm sure if i had a crush on her or something i would've loved it.
that's just it... these people don't read social cues. the occasional social touch is completely okay in my books. but the constant toucher sans crush invades my personal space.
About a month ago we had a temp named Barbara in the office to help me put some packets together for a big upcoming conferernce. At first I thought she was pretty sharp for a temp (because they are usually REALLY scary). She spoke clear english and wasn't missing any teeth so I was satisfied.
As the day wore on I grew weary of her outrageous stories that were clearly fabrications and her overly loud/theatrical voice. The real kicker though was the unsolicited touching. She didn't just touch my arm for a second when she was explaining an exciting detail of her life, she full on had my wrist in a death grip for prolonged periods of time. I didn't know how to react, it made me very uneasy. So I totally apprecite your point.
I don't like being touched by strangers, but I do like it when stangers call me sweetie.
In grade 7 my ex-Olympic wrestler math teacher (cauliflower ears and all), who was probably around 30 at the time, once called one of my classmates sweetie. The room fell awkwardly silent, then we all coped as only 12 year-olds know how: Giggling.
Jr. High was so awesome.
you want to talk about unsolicited social touching??? Try being pregnant! Somehow once you become pregnant your belly suddenly becomes public property for anyone to grope and pat and rub. ARGH it is gross! Then to add to it you get everyones opinion on all topics related to babies.
Regarding your last post about being lucky Ais, I recently read the book 'The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio' it is a nice light read about a mom in the '50s who enters contests to keep her family afloat.
I won $200 worth of clothes at a store once but the store went out of business before I was able to use up the money! BAD LUCK!!!
I also had a olympic wrestler/math teacher in junior high. I'm sure Aisy remembers him. Although he never called any girls sweetie, he often called them stupid or idiot. Sometimes he would throw a textbook their way, he even threw a desk out the room with the student still seated in it. Aside from all that, he was a nice guy and a real good teacher. He even taught me how to wrestle. Yes, Junior high was awesome and frightening at times.
i have an aunt-in-law who will sometimes take my hand in hers when she is talking to me and just kind of holds my limp hand for a really long time. our conversations are usually long and it becomes quite uncomfortable and i can't even focus on the conversation because all i can think about is how i can remove my hand from hers without offending her.
then there's this middle-aged guy at church who has lots of kids who puts his arm around me and asks me "so, are ya winnin'?" brrr.
i really dislike the high five with people i don't know. there is a girl in my office who either wants to hug me, touch my hair (totally off limits) or give me high fives. i've only been there three weeks now. it's too early for any of that nonsense.
aaaahhhhh!
i miss being in the south where i was regularly called hon, sugar, sweet thang or pudding chops, though.
ok, i made that last one up.
but i'm with you on the touching to touch thing, it happens at the grocery store too. when someone is browing avacodos, usually. they'll brush my hand by "accident" and then smile sheepishly.
it reminds me of german opera.
What a coincidence that I came home yesterday evening to open the June issue of Real Simple and there was an article right there in the middle about how to deal with close-talkers, touchers and random hangers-on. Except they wanted to do it politely, and that's no fun.
ted, i saw him pick up a student still seated in the desk and carry him outside the class. good times, good times.
by the way, i don't mind the occasional stranger "hon" but when it is constant, it's irritating.
oh, and jane, we'll have to talk about said article on my visit to cowtown.
I like touchers. And I like to touch back on occasion, but my body language usually says differently. Hands in pockets and such. As for close talkers, they need to die. Mostly because they stink of onion and/or unbrushed teeth. I'd take a hand slapped on my thigh over that any day.
I had a home teacher who would shake my hand, but never release it as he continued to talk to me. He wouldn't pick up on the slight pull I would give my arm either. I finally said something to his companion who handled it. For that alone, I owe Rebus' brother big time.
Once, while in the MTC, I called an elder "hon." Quite the scandal, when really I'm just from the south.
About the touching, maybe there are valid reasons it makes you uncomfortable. Right now I'm reading Devil in the White City, nonfiction about a serial killer at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair. The killer attracted his female victims by first showing them extra attention and touching them in ways just slightly outside of the societal mores of the time. Draw your own conclusions about the touchers you know.
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