Thanks to Sherpa's blog for this fun little quiz. Yeah, guess I still have a Canadian accent... phew!
What American accent do you have?
Your Result: North Central
"North Central" is what professional linguists call the Minnesota accent. If you saw "Fargo" you probably didn't think the characters sounded very out of the ordinary. Outsiders probably mistake you for a Canadian a lot.
I just wanted to give a big THANK YOU to those Gold Gym members that have slacked off on their New Year's resolution. It is so lovely to not share the pool with fellow swimmers. I actually had a warm shower at the gym and even had to turn down the hot water! I also don't have to fight for counter space and can take as much room as I'd like. Getting through January and February was an annoyance but with March nearing an end, I foresee many more pleasant experiences at the gym... until next January. So here's to broken resolutions ~cheers~
This post had three potential names. Dave threw in "That not so fresh feeling." Amen and amen. Kris put out "Don't trust your vet." I think it would be more "Don't trust me to fix any of your cows." My idea was "Reason #125 I'm not married." I have a sneaking suspicion that these pictures are not going to big sellers to eligible bachelors. In the end I felt I didn't need a catchy title, as the pictures will speak for themselves.
Before I begin I must post a strong WARNING. Anyone with a weak stomach (i.e. Dad) should avoid my blog for a bit. Looking back on the pictures I have wondered how I actually did what I did. I mean, it was gross and the pictures are gross and I'm really glad for gloves and soap. What could possibly make me look like this? (Click pictures to enlarge)
Well, it first started with getting lubed up. That is never a good sign. Why would you possibly need to get your hand greased up? (These were candid shots so there was no drama faces for the camera. It was the real deal).
This is why I needed a glove and lubricant. You'll note that I am trying to stand as far away as possible as I am shoving my hand as far as possible up a cow's um, well... I don't want any perverts or fans of bestiality googling the word cow's (insert word here) and stumbling on my blog, so I will tell you this cow aborted a calf and the vet's wanted to make me think I was the only one that could insert some pills in its uterus. (The whole "my hand is too big" trick). Yeah, I chickened out after it started to poop and didn't get near far enough in. The pro took it from there and his hand was not "too big." It's a good job he did because we found maggots on my glove. Ewww.
This is the glove:
This is the opening:
And yes, this was sick. Next on the agenda for me was a prolapsed uterus. This cow was a mean old thing. I was worried about getting kicked but the rancher's wife told me not to worry as "cow's can't kick back, only sideways." Glove went back on and I pushed. They laughed. I pushed some more. They laughed some more. I got grossed out.
I gave up again and the other pro finished the job that I could never do. Later that night I was informed that cow's can and do kick backward. Minutes later I witnessed a cow do that very thing. That would have been nice to know prior to getting behind those beasts! I was also told that the closer you stand the less hurt you will get. You'll note how far back I was standing in that earlier picture. But let's be honest, if a cow kicked me it wouldn't matter how far or close I was. I would get blasted (kind of like this guy... but it's a horse).
It turned out to be another eventful weekend in Vernal. Everyone should thank their vets because they do some nasty stuff. I also have to give a big shout out to long gloves, anti-bacterial soap and the pros for allowing me to be the entertainment for the weekend. When does anyone really get to have stories like that? So it might leave me with that not so fresh feeling or scare off pretty boys (who wants them anyway) but it was an amusing weekend. Vernal has yet to disappoint! No plans to change careers though, I'll stick with mine thanks.
I know that the lessons of the year are far from over, and if the first three months of this year are any indication, I'm in for copious amounts of learning. Here is a short list of the more profound:
1. Always trust my instincts. If something seems fishy, it probably is. I won't expand on this one but my gut doesn't often let me down. Had I trusted it sooner on a certain issue, I may have avoided some frustrating and sad moments. Don't worry dear readers, I am better than ever. The stumbles make you more aware of the rocks.
2. Trying something new can be disgusting, yet entertaining. I had another Vernal weekend and this time I was braver than ever. I will have pictures to post soon so I don't want to ruin too many surprises but it does involve gloves and cows. That's right. Ewwwww.
3. Life without friends and family wouldn't be much of a life at all. They make the joys so much more joyful and the pains more tolerable.
4. A well-timed compliment can make my week. One of the aerobic instructor's at the gym said something really nice to me last week and I appreciated my reflection in the mirror just a little bit more.
5. Taking some time to just enjoy the kids I work with has made a huge difference. When we joke outside of therapy, I am reminded that these are teenage boys who desperately want to feel and be treated normal. The more normal they are treated, the better they get. However, I still think they are the strangest creatures... boys are weird and gross. I'm glad I'm a girl.
In about six months my life could become a storyline on the retired show Thirtysomething. I don't really look my age but I have started to wonder if I should pay more attention to my skin care regime. In an impulsive moment I splurged on some eye cream that promised to "reduce the appearenace of dark circles and puffiness" and "brighten eye area." Where do such promises come from? Are there rigorous studies done where one eyelid etc receives such cream and the other has no cream? After several months of use I have not seen any change. My eyes look just as dark on my tired days and they definitely don't look any more "radiant." I didn't pay an extravagant amount on the cream but it still annoys me that there is not a noticeable difference over my regular face cream.
The sad truth is that I will likely get suckered in to some alternate cream or eye makeup during a vulnerable shopping expedetion. What happened to the good ol' days when I thought that washing my face at the end of the day was a BIG deal?
And I've gone mad. I've never been a huge sports fan, especially watching it on the television. I will watch the occasional hockey game and become a rabid fan if my team is in the playoffs. I grew up as a third party, and often unwilling, participant to my pop's thirst for sports. He watched most any sport, not even to the exclusion of snookers, darts and the occasional bowling game. Unfortunately, or should I say fortunately, this did not rub off on me. So I questioned my sanity when I accepted an invitation to join a pool for the NCAA basketball tournament, more affectionately dubbed "March Madness." Choosing teams based on a very loose understanding of their ranking or just the sound of their name isn't likely to gain my entrance to the winner's circle. At this point I am less concerned with loosing five dollars as I am to loosing to the most asinine employee at my work. Here's hoping a little beginner's luck will edge him out.
No, not Disneyland. I've never been and maybe one day I'll go but for now I will settle for Hawaii. Tonight I took the plunge and booked a ticket. This is big as I've been accused of being a miser many times in my life. It used to drive my sister crazy that I would never finish my Easter candy on the first day. She would expect me to share and I wouldn't... and then it would go uneaten. There was plenty of years that my Halloween bag would still have candy in it the following year because after hoarding it I would forget it existed. Candy led to money and my frugality still exists. At least I'm the kind of girl that doesn't have excessive debt because of an overpriced wardrobe or something equally ridiculous. However, it dawned on me recently that this is the time of my life to have experiences and maybe just spend a little. And so in April I will descend upon Maui and love every minute of it.
Today my friend and I met a former therapist at the gym. She was in practice for 15 years but now teaches martial arts. We left the gym laughing because it was easier than crying. We wondered if being a therapist your whole life is a pipe dream. We joked at what our next career would be after the therapy world burned us out. Maybe beating the crap out of people in a socially normative way is a good choice. Unfortunately I have no skills in any form of martial arts, other than my own creation used in defense against older brothers.
After several years of being in practice I have some hilarious stories. I also have some heartbreaking ones. I've learned to softly navigate boyhood crushes. I'm accustomed to being the punching bag when they can't say those things to their parent. And on numerous occasions I have been immensely frustrated with the choices my clients make. Yet despite all that, I couldn't imagine any other career...
