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This post had three potential names. Dave threw in "That not so fresh feeling." Amen and amen. Kris put out "Don't trust your vet." I think it would be more "Don't trust me to fix any of your cows." My idea was "Reason #125 I'm not married." I have a sneaking suspicion that these pictures are not going to big sellers to eligible bachelors. In the end I felt I didn't need a catchy title, as the pictures will speak for themselves.

Before I begin I must post a strong WARNING. Anyone with a weak stomach (i.e. Dad) should avoid my blog for a bit. Looking back on the pictures I have wondered how I actually did what I did. I mean, it was gross and the pictures are gross and I'm really glad for gloves and soap. What could possibly make me look like this? (Click pictures to enlarge)


Well, it first started with getting lubed up. That is never a good sign. Why would you possibly need to get your hand greased up? (These were candid shots so there was no drama faces for the camera. It was the real deal).


This is why I needed a glove and lubricant.

You'll note that I am trying to stand as far away as possible as I am shoving my hand as far as possible up a cow's um, well... I don't want any perverts or fans of bestiality googling the word cow's (insert word here) and stumbling on my blog, so I will tell you this cow aborted a calf and the vet's wanted to make me think I was the only one that could insert some pills in its uterus. (The whole "my hand is too big" trick). Yeah, I chickened out after it started to poop and didn't get near far enough in. The pro took it from there and his hand was not "too big." It's a good job he did because we found maggots on my glove. Ewww.

This is the glove:


This is the opening:


And yes, this was sick. Next on the agenda for me was a prolapsed uterus. This cow was a mean old thing. I was worried about getting kicked but the rancher's wife told me not to worry as "cow's can't kick back, only sideways." Glove went back on and I pushed. They laughed. I pushed some more. They laughed some more. I got grossed out.


I gave up again and the other pro finished the job that I could never do. Later that night I was informed that cow's can and do kick backward. Minutes later I witnessed a cow do that very thing. That would have been nice to know prior to getting behind those beasts! I was also told that the closer you stand the less hurt you will get. You'll note how far back I was standing in that earlier picture. But let's be honest, if a cow kicked me it wouldn't matter how far or close I was. I would get blasted (kind of like this guy... but it's a horse).


It turned out to be another eventful weekend in Vernal. Everyone should thank their vets because they do some nasty stuff. I also have to give a big shout out to long gloves, anti-bacterial soap and the pros for allowing me to be the entertainment for the weekend. When does anyone really get to have stories like that? So it might leave me with that not so fresh feeling or scare off pretty boys (who wants them anyway) but it was an amusing weekend. Vernal has yet to disappoint! No plans to change careers though, I'll stick with mine thanks.