Do you find that those weeks you are trying really hard to be nice that lots of "make fun of" moments pop up? I have so much good material, like the idiot woman who just about side swiped me today or the fifty year old obese woman wearing a belly top. Instead of falling prey to temptation I will grace you with my favourite lyric of the moment. It's from "When U Love Somebody" by the Fruit Bats... When you love somebody bite your tongue, all you get is a mouthful of blood. It encapsulates regret, and how often I don't say or do what I feel inside. (It also reminds me that I currently have no man to bite my tongue with!) Thinking about this song brought back memories of my good friend Brian. He and his brother died in a tragic mystery while hiking. They were never found so the assumption is they fell through a crevasse when a storm hit.
I remember being devastated that all I had left of Brian were pictures. At the time I had this habit of deleting emails once I had responded. He had been telling me all about his trip and how life was going for him at the time. I had responded with a good luck and bon voyage and moved it to the trash. So there I was left with no written words from Brian... something I regretted deeply. After that I made sure I had an email saved from every friend and family member. I also ensured that all those people I loved knew it. I was determined not to feel regret again if I were to suddenly lose someone. As time passes it is easy to get back in to a pattern of neglect. With renewed spirit I'm going to spit that blood out of mouth, get stitches, and stop repeating that nasty habit.
And back to the sappiness of love that the song embodies, when I meet my one true I'll remember that... when you love somebody, it's hard to think about anything but to breath.
Christmas Festivities
8 years ago
6 comments:
aislinn,
interesting interpretation. when i hear "when you love somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouth full of blood."
i think there is NO regret. that's just it. when you withold criticism and judgement on a typical person, normally there is a self-serving lingering feeling of "man i really wish i could give them a piece of my mind." but when you do it for someone you genuinely love, via infatuation (as the song describes), you are literally only left with the physical aftermath. in this case, blood in the mouth.
that is such a tragic story about your friend brian, i recall you telling me about that before. i like how that's changed the way you keep correspondence. my brother ian pokes fun at me for always deleting things and keeping my inbox tidy. he keeps everythign, and now i'm really envious of the "journal" of our correspondence we have. he has email from over six years ago logged away on his computer. as he read parts of them to me it made me wish that i had kept more of my familial correspondence.
now with gmail, we really can keep everything. i wish i could say that i do a better job of keeping correspondence. i keep some, but still have a penchant for seeing that "%" down at the bottom as low as possible. like a post-depression era grandfather, it's like i'm stowing away space for a rainy day...
yes, i guess i was interpreting it as regret when you withhold your feelings of affection but there is definitely appropriate times to censor how you say something. that's what i love about music... everyone can take something different away with them.
i too like a tidy inbox, hence my penchant for deleting. i still do delete, but make sure i have one from everyone... and i always save the ones that really made me laugh.
Brian's brother Jerry was my hometeacher for awhile - he was a great guy and I remember how their deaths left everyone blindsided. When a person dies as a result of someone else's negligence or a disease, there's somewhere tangible you can focus your grief and anger, but an accident shakes us and makes us question the eternal perspective. Or it does for me, at least. But when things like that happen, I guess an eternal perspective is one thing that can keep us clinging to those last threads of sanity.
just remember its not enough to keep the mail you have to back it up to.
Anon, thanks for your comment. Gerry was fabulous, just like Brian. It was definitely an earth shaking experience for me. I had to grapple with a lot during that time. I agree with you that a belief system really helped.
i never knew brian or gerry, i saw always saw them around though. i wish i had known them.
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